Horrayyy!!! Huwowwwwww!!!!!!! My date yesterday with alfian was sooooo good.. i just couldnt start describing how much we've bonded.. and how much we've enjoyed ourselves so thoroughly.. Yayy!! At long last, i experienced the date i've always been longing for so long. Thanks dear for making me so happy yesterday though i had to wait for you for 2 hours long. BUT it all worth it.. I was so damnnnnn tired afters.. The sleep following it was so peaceful, calm and serene.. You can practically see me smile whilst sleeping.

Therefore today, i woke up feeling refreshed, cant wait to start the day. Oh what sweet dreams i had yesterday.. the hot sun, the soft sand, the sparkling clear blue sea, the corals, the calming blue sky, the shades, the straw hat, and of course my hot man sipping ice water.. huwowwwwwwwwwww....

Anyway, a call @ 6.30am stopped all my fantasy. My boss called and said that one of the staffs called in sick. so two down and now one down.. what else can be so boring on a monday morning. so i went out of my house feeling cheery bubbly and very enthusiastic to start the day. But when i reached Kranji MRT, another 2 of the staffs reported MC again. ok! there goes my mood , my fantasy, my everything. coz why? coz that means that i had to 'pa kau liao'everything. right from the packing, to the washing bay, to the mice room, to the rat room. And if that's not enough, the taiwan visitors had to come today and of course i had to leave my work and entertain them.. luckily there was aisah to help bring them around. Sheeshz...

Errrrrr.... i forgot to check the time.. im running late for my tuition.. sheeshz.....

So here i am at my office on a saturday morning.. *sigh*

My duties are done but i cant go back yet coz i've to wait for the electrician to finish doing his wiring and return me the switch room key. That explained why i have the time to update on my blog.

My weekend gonna be a fast one... lets see.. tomorrow i'll have to come to work *again* and then to tuition *again* and then go out with darling. i hope we'll have a fun time together. i need to de-stress myself. hmm... when was the last time i watch a movie?? errr... nah i cant remember.. months ago maybe.. sheeshz..

Wokey.. here comes Thiru the electrician.

Im off to tuition now.. sheeshz..

- the bus ride's the only thing why i enjoyed going to work.. sheeshz..

Well... what can i say.

This whole week has been very frantic for me. An emotional, really take alot from me.. Im so deadbeat from everything that has happened throughout this week.

Firstly, i didnt get the much awaited promotion. Common' man.. i deserved it. i worked my ass off.. Bosses said it'll have to wait till december. Oh what ever..

Secondly, apart from my work duties.. im now in charge of two temasek poly students on attachment for a period of 3 months. Gosh, if my work load is not suffocating me already, you've to add on to my work load. Sobz. Next week will be hell coz Swee Huat's on leave for a week and JW is still on leave whole lot of next week. Only ME.. ive got no leave.. or better well rephrase it.. i cant take leave. how unfair. Sheeshz..

Im really left with no energy at all to do tuitions. have been cancelling all my tuitions for this week. And tomorrow's the Doa Selamat for my dad at my home.. i'll have to help out. But that will have to be after im off to work then to tuition then come home. There goes my much awaited date with my love. Sheeshzz...

Everytime when i post anything on this bloggie.. it took me quite some time to ponder on the stuffs that i went through for the day and what i wanted to do for the day but have no time.. or rather no opportunities to do so. Im tired.. as a whole.. I barely have any time for myself. I need a long break. Away from this fast-paced country.. away from any demands.. i just want to do something without thinking of whether i would be wasting my time and then started doing my first task on my to-do list.. I feel like im a robot. i have been programmed to do this and that against my will. Yeah.. im stressed. Sheeeeeeeeeeshz..

Let's start off with what i did today,

• Wake up.
• Went to work.
• Come home.
• Eat dinner.
• Went for tuition at 6pm.
• Went for another tuition at 8pm.
• Reached home, sit infront of pc blogging.

What i really wanted to do today,

• Say good morning to my dad.
• Spend time with family, talk about anything.. just family bonding after work.
• Have a slow quiet dinner with family.
• Relax and watch TV.
• Catch up with sister's revision for O level.
• Catch up with my mom and bro.
• Pampering myself with the body lotion i bought 3 or 4 months ago which is still left untouched.
• Say good night to my fam, kiss my dad and mom.

I thought i needed some quality time with my family which i think i havent been having. But everytime when i wanted to do something like that..i realise that my time are preoccupied with work and tuitions. I wanted to have a balanced lifestyle but i just cant dismiss the tuitions and all.. i needed the cash. Yes! Its true that money is'nt everything. But if you look at it in another way, money really makes the world go round. Though money can never be enough for anyone, having more money to spend and save can really save a person in times of difficulties.

I miss my fam'. Really.

Unluck-iest Day of the Year

Early morning i woke up.. My flu has worsen.. I feel so weak.. I am sick.

At work, my toenail was broken into two with the broken nail still loosely pasted on the flesh. It made me so painful to just walk, let alone wearing lab boots. Gosh it hurts so much. I was loading a trolley with beddings and pellet to be pushed into the animal room. I wasnt aware that the one of the trolley's wheels was very loose. I loaded it full, probably 50kg of bags or more. While i was pushing it into the mice room, the loose wheel making it harder to control so.. you guessed it.. the wheel stopper got hooked on to my toes, dragging me with it for a few seconds. There goes my tiny toe. Excruciating Pain!

Then while i was replacing the old rat breeders in the isolators.. one of the rats, a male rat, weighing probably 5kg bit through the biohazard plastic bag which it was in and got freed. It took me a good 2++ hours to catch it in the isolator. Not an easy job at all considering the limited length of the gloves.. I caught it in the end and when i passed it to my assistant, he was bitten by that Little Mischevious Male Rat. It was a very deep cut. The rat bit through the thick plastic gloves. EWW... painful. Blood was oozing out from my assistant's palm non stop. I treated his wound, got it all wrapped up. Man, i feel so guilty. "So sorry Tor Lee. wo bu shi ku yi de!! Mee Lubok for you tomorrow ok?" huehue..

Just because of a stupid rat and a stupid trolley.. im so behind time. To make things worse, my boss was on course so i have to cover her duties as well. Shucks man. So many responsibilities.. so little salary. I'd better get a promotion soon or else im outta CARE, running over to BIOPOLIS. huehue.. my boss would cut my head off if she sees this entry.

Oh well, nobody's perfect!

Today was ok for me. My sore throat is getting better though my blocked nose still wont go away. CARE is doing well today, did supply of rats and mice and nothing went wrong. No complaints what so ever. Everything went smoothly till the time i knocked off from work. I saw this little brown pig from the across the road and it was coming at me. Terrified as i was, i ran back to CARE. I didnt know what happened to that little pig after that. The AVA might have gotten rid of it or something ((think suckling pig)).. huehue.. Thank god! No way am i gonna risk losing my life over that piggie. Sheeshz! =P. I thought everything has been settled last sunday but obviously nothing has been done.


See.. last sunday, i went to work to do OT (yeah it sucks.. working 7 days per week.. *Sigh*) and during the bus journey at Sungei Gedong Camp.. 3 little pigs came out from the side bushes, crossing the road so fast that the bus driver couldnt brake in time. It was so sudden that everything happened in a split of a second:- the bus ran over two of the pigs while one of the pigs obviously, the cleverest among them, retreated and was saved. It must have been the one i saw just now though it looked alot bigger now. And scary.. The other two were unfortunately "sacrificed?" wahahaha.. with the interiors splattered on the road. What gore sight to see on a beautiful sunday morning. I never seen anything like that before in my whole life. It's sad. It made me wonder for awhile. What made the 3 little pigs ran out like that? Running away from the big bad wolf or what? Poor thing.. anyway, the third pig is not so clever after all.. imagine becoming a suckling pig after 3 days of escaping from death.


Now it made me ponder.. does death really come to us? Cant we cheat death? Reminded me of The Final Destination. This is so super scary. Like as though my work place is not scary enough being strategically located near the burial place.. all these natural forces have to come and disturb us. Disturb Me! *sigh* It no wonder after so long of working in my Department.. one by one of the staffs became mentally ill. Swear!! Im not lying. This is so scary. And yeah.. that sick staff.. Razali.. was retrenched last week.. poor thing.. There goes his rice bowl. I wonder if he's ever gonna find another job. So so Sad.


~ Apalah erti kesenangan kalau tidak kecapi kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat.

finally i can have my boyfriend all to myself. no more silat no more having to share him with his friends. its not that im petty or what but its time that i have HIM all to myself.. he is mine anyway.. as in MINE anyway.. huehuehue.. i miss him dearly.. its true that i see him every weekend.. but i feel that there's no quality time shared between us... but now.. thankfully everything's over and he has return to me ..


this week gonna have a chalet with my friends.. huehuehuehueheuheuhe.. yeah.. but before that im gonna spend an enchanting evening with my beloved man celebrating our 5th year anniversary.. im so anxious about it. its like something we've been waiting for, aint it daRLIn? yokey yokey.. hmm.. but im kinda broke now, can anyone spare me some money now???? oh well... i guess we're just gonna spend the evening as simple as possible.. nothing so lavish.. its how we spend the evening that counts right? still have no plan right now.. but i'll think of something soon.. its gonna be a night so memorable that we're gonna tell our children how loving we are...right dear...


hueheuhue.. pray for me gerls.. i want this evening to work out smoothly for both of us..


~~ The Special day is so near, I can smell the roses in the air...

i never expected things to go this way. all was going fine until it all started again..i really dont know what went wrong.. is it me? is it my fault? but why does it always have to be my fault? am i really that detestable? really that horrible a person? why do you like me then? i dont want things to be this way.. why must it turn out like this... im tired.. i wanted us to be happy.. not to be at loggerhead all the times.. i wanted to be pampered.. i wanted your care and your touch.. i yearn the way you caress my hair.. i miss the way you look deeply into my eyes.. holding my chin and smile sincerely... i love the way you hug me and constantly encouraging me to improve on myself.. i need the assurance you always give me.. i need you.. i really need you.. but why of all the times when i need you the most.. you're not there.. you didnt do all the things that you did best. is it because of me? is it caused by me? i know im not the easiest person to get along with.. and so.. i want say that im sorry.. im sorry for everything that ive caused you..

- i know my flaws.. i know i have many of them..

round of applause to my dearest sista for dolling up a kiddy + girly blogskin for me and putting up the template for me... and i dont only like me k.. there's so many things i like.. aiyoo... and wassup with the fuckers and bitches and bastards huh??? anyway... schedule's gonna be tight starting next week so yah... hoping to spend more time with my beloved though it seems so impossible... but we're gonna try our best ya baby? i miss you so much dear..

aku akan terus memperjuangkan hidup seharianku yg penuh dgn pancaroba dunia...

hey dudettes!!!!

yo gerls.. so how's life.. ive been not blogging for so long.. hoping to make it a point to blog everyday though it'll be hard.. but i'll try.. life so far have been pleasant for me.. though i find it hard to wake up everyday to work.. and my tuitions... i shall not even talk abt it no more...

days are pretty bearable now.. basically that's because my tuitions have stopped for the sch hols.. but im starting soon... im very hard up for money.. like veryyyyyyyyyyy hard up for money..

soon its gonna be my 5yrs anniv with my bf.. not sure what to get for him.. someone help me in this.. so low in money wise... so low in ideas... gosh.. wat im suppose to do..

been calling up and sms-ing my frens lately... so happy to know that my frens are doing well.. really hope to catch up with them soon...

ok la.. not really in a mood to talk rite now.. till next time k?

** akan ku tatap wajahmu kerna rinduku semakin membarak..

now where do i start? i really cant imagine the things that are happening to me right now.. its so heart breaking.. i just cant explain in words what im feelin right now.. its .. just not.. i just feel like i shouldnt .. i mean.. it shouldnt be happening to me.. but life is unexpected and sometimes things just happen.. though things usually happen for a reason. im not sure if the incidents occuring to me now signalling me to look at my life and analyse if i still should be living this sorta life.. im really at a juncture.. should i or should i not.. i dont wanna experience these stuffs again.. ever again.. but i cant just dismiss it like that.. i know that i have to make a decision and decision comes with consequences.. and i will have to decide it sooner or later.. its just.. please... why do i have to decide.. its so unfair.. what you did to me.. i have to bear.. what you do.. i have to live with it..

- so where do i go from here??

jadi.. my life's update so far... been so frustrated in my work.. so many irritants ( I dont mean the chemicals here.. go figure!!) so many decisions to make.. so many things to do... my schedule is so uptight i dont even have any time to myself.. the only time i had is tonight that also.. i only managed to squeeze enough time to watch the OC.. i love the show.. just loved it.. the only stress reliever i can rely on right now.....

(( I miss my darl'!!))

hueheuhue.. dah berulat da blog ni ker???? huehue.. well.. alot of things have happened this week.. or should i say the last week? unexpected things happened.. hueheu.. but i still know my limits.. i still know my status.. i still know my stand.. and im proud to say that i pass the test with flying colours.. not everyone can be as faithful as trustworthy as me.. im proud that i did not go against my principles.. im happy with my life although not all smooth sailing.. i've learnt to take things into my stride.. to not expect too much from ppl/situation.. i've learnt to not trust ppl too easily..i've accomplised certain things on myself and im pretty satisfied really.. step by step.. i'll change my life for the better of myself.. and the ppl ard me.. pray for me gerls!!

!! Im the naiive gerl no more!!

right people.. how has your life been?? hope everything is going on fine.. mine have ermm.. should i say never been better or should i say never been worse.. i shall let you decide..

this week and the previous week basically i did my routine work.. but the secretary.. that freaking damnn bitch.. depan org bukan main lembut lagi mulut.. blakang org.. back stab.. complain sana complain sini.. poke her nose into almost every single work i did in the office.. lain kali kalau tak percaya buat sendiri arrr... tgk tgk!!! benciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! ehhh podahhh ah..my bosses tak apa2, dia plak nyebok.. stakat secretary tu buat2 arr mcm secretary.. prasan besar.. besar kepala ader arr.. keling!! luckily my everyday work doesnt require me to stay in the office for e whole day.. so now most of my time.. would be in the lab.. lagi tenteram jaga tikus.. kadang2.. haiwan lagi mulia dari manusia.. RENUNGKANLAH!!

ok.. my boss took half day today.. so now i've got the pc again.. yeah.. yah.. i havent finish what im about to say just now.. ok.. ahhhhhh... today kena do at wash area.. wash all the cages... erwwwww... so much shittttt... but still i endured.. but i smell nice though.. wahahha.. watever... can bathe wat rite? ok.. then yeah... i supplied one less Sprague Dawley Rat to SGH.. goodness... luckily they never complain.. aduh... penat ahhh oiii... penat tau.. anyway.. got to compensate those.. have to send them again on friday.. watever la..

hmmm... wat else to say eh... wermm.. wat else eh.. i thought of dating my mom and siter go to bugis on saturday.. just to chill around.. sigh... i miss my darling so much.. but i know i cant see him.. i mean.. i shouldnt broad over it but.. i really miss him.. how hah?? i think the one way that could distraught my attention is to go shopping... so guys.. . i mean.. gerls.. who want to go shopping with me??

!! Letting Nature takes its course..

yokke yokke... upon urgent demand that i have to update my blog.. so here's another entry.

recently ive been on a shopping spree with my newly found babe fren.. syikin.. we went out to bugis.. got my damn.. as in DAMNNN handphone back.. (hopefully it doest crank again) and then we went to orchard to meet up with Renee.. renee... hmmm.. a very bubbly gerl... nice to be with..

we ate at cahaya.. it sucks... imagine chicken rice without chilli and the most important one.. the soup??? annnywayyy... we thought that we din have enough so i suggested manja-ing ourselves with icecreams... well.. we worked hard during the week.. so we deserved it ok? then after that we went shopping again.. and damn.. renee always talking about how she got nice buttt.. watever.. i know mine's flat.. yeah eyah... hueheuehue... and the most i tak puas hati is that.. syikin got a nice top.. that aritis or whatever the shop name is.. the shirt is so beautifully done up for her... i want one too... not fair... im sure im gonna get one soon... i'll make sure they got one in my size... so tak fair..

niway... that's about it i guess.. and of course im so looking forward to the weekend again.. hahaha.. not sure wat i wanna do though.. its been like officially 2 weeks since i last seen my bf.. watever.. not going to be sad about it nimore... got lotsa other things to be happy about.. wahhahaa... so thats all fer ya all now... got to go back to work.. my boss is looking... byeeeeeee..

sorry boss..!! hueheue.. (mischevious grin~!!)

just as i have expected... things went bad again yesterday.. why do we always freaking have to fight?? im so exhausted already.. and it always seems like its my fault.. !! feels like giving up already..

work?? still the same old thing again.,. not that stress really.. its been bearable.. i kinda like the job though the pay is just a pittance.. but the most that i freakingly hate is my tuitions.. why do i have to do these tuitions... MONEY!!!!! oh man!! why do i have to subdue myself to this shit just for money sake? what the fcuk have gone into me...?? i want my life back...

~~nobody wants to share.. nobody's seems to care.. about ME!!~~

hey people... ok here's a new entry after so long.. been so busy catching up with my life let alone people's life..

as you all know from my previous entries..( sorry to those who cant read malay, i'll explain to you when we meet up yah?? ).. i've been at my best medicating my relationship that had turn sour.. thanks to myself and him.. it seems that people just dont treasure and tend to take things for granted if we're constantly by their side.. i've made my stand though.. to him.. and i'm so glad that things turned out fine.. i am happy now with the state of our relationship going on well. i hope it'll last till a long long time.. its so tiring to just keep on mending a broken heart.

This week.. is gonna be the last week that im able to see my love. Soon after.. he's gonna study for his gruelling exams.. and i'm left all alone again.. but its ok though.. i can hold on.. i can bear all hardships.. he's studying for the better of our life.. and may i repeat its OUR life.. just hope that he understands that.. that he sees that im doing all these for us.. i really praye that our relationship can stand the test of time.. for i cant bear falling apart with you dear...

``It's not just ((ME)) anymore, it's ((US))``

Kenapa diri ini selalu disisirkan? kenapa aku yang asyik perlu bertimbang rasa? Sampai bilakah aku akan dpt rasa diri ini dihormati..diperlukan..disayangi oleh seseorg.. kenapa hidup aku slalu ditimpa bencana dan malapetaka dunia? Apakah tuhan saja mahu menduga? kenapa harus aku harungi liku2 hidup yg slalu membuatkan aku rasa tersisir? kepada siapakah yg dpt aku leraikan rahsiahati yg telah lama terbuku dikalbu? apakah aku tidak diperlukan lagi! apakah aku ini insan yg hanya mampu menagih kasih sayang seseorg insan! apakah aku ini mualaf yg byk menyusahkan! maafkan aku jikalau aku duduk menumpang kasih sayang kau.. tidak sama skali aku berhasrat utk menyesakkan kehidupan kau sehingga terlintas difikiran kau yg aku ini terlalu insecure.

Apakah aku tidak layak bertahta dihati kau? adakah aku ini begitu membosankan. apakah aku ini tidak sesuai utk memiliki kebahagiaan duniawi!! kenapa harus AKU?? AKU yang harus menanggung derita? Aku sayu melihat teman2ku yg mempunyai semuanya.. kebahagiaan hidup dgn famili yg sepadu, karier yg mantap, teman hidup yg setia - sempurna seadanya. tapi mengapa tidak dgn aku? apakah sudah suratan azali yg aku mempunyai kehidupan seperti ini.. hina sgtkah aku ini?


~~Aku PASRAH!!!

Hurm.. just got back from werk.. one more day to the weekends..!! yaHOOOO!! i cant wait for the weekends.. me and my baby's gonna have some private time to our own to just chill out and be in each others embrace.. its been time since we last did tt.. i'm literally counting the minutes.. heuheu.. hopefully watever we've planned will turn out smoothly..and no more cancellation of dates.. arghhhhh!!! i need my lovey dosages.... :0

--Akan ku simpan sisip kenangan pahit kita jauh dilubuk hati..--