This week has been a roller coaster ride for me.

Its a one woman show at work today. All the bosses have gone for a seminar. So left the mini-boss and that's me!

*Phew*Didnt know that being a boss can be so difficult. All the time it's Fiza here, Fiza there..

Fiza how ah??
Fiza, like this can or not??
Fiza, what you want me to do now??
Fiza, can i take time off??
Fiza, can i go back at 3pm??
Fiza, the bottle washer machine's spoil..
Fiza, can you check the order list??
Fiza, can you stock check the carcasses??
Fiza, the Zoo Man's here..
Fiza, the birdpark call..
Fiza, small sized gloves finished already.
Fiza, how to see the plug?
Fiza, i need more rats for testing..
Fiza, the mice not enough for supply..
Fiza, cannot wash off the IVC pipe..
Fiza, the isolator's glove got hole already..
Fiza ... Fiza.... Fizaa........

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Stop!!!

For a moment, i lost my orientation. Luckily found myself back and its

Lina, go mend the isolator's glove..
Aru, help the two poly students to wash the pipe..
Sarika, please order some more gloves..
Smile at the Zoo people and tell them to take their time choosing their dead rats/mice.
Call the service man to come on Monday and service bottle washer.
Cancelled those orders that cannot be supplied.
Told the ah-sohs, that if they want to leave early.. i'll still have to record down who "cabut".

In the end, everything went just fine. But of course with blunders here and there..

Blunder No 1
--------------
Poly students: "Fiza, how to see if the rats are mated?"
Fiza: "Very Easy. If the rats are mated, you'll see a plug in the vagina."
Poly students: " Fiza, we're not sure leh. Can help us to see whether there's any plug or not?"
Fiza: "Yah sure.. Come, just tilt the tail to expose the genitals, try to open up the vagina to see if any plug has been inserted in by the male. That will show that they've mated."
Fiza: "See, there's something inside.. You all can see or not?"
Poly students: "Fiza, isnt that the anus you're looking at?"
Fiza: "Errr....?????"

Blunder no 2
-------------
Engineer: "Xcuse me, do you have ladder?"
Fiza: "Leather? I dont think we have any leather here. We dont use it.Wait ah, i'll go and ask my senior. "
Fiza: " Swee huat, do we have any leather here or not??"
Swee Huat: " Of course la, ladder's in the store room."
Fiza: " huhh?? We got leather meh?? we keep in store room??
SH: " yeah la, you ah.. very obvious what?"
Fiza: "and how does the leather looks like?"
SH & Engineer: ???!!!???

Fiza goes into the store room.. looks left, looks right...
An attendant came into the store room..

Fiza:"Cik Jo, do you know where's the leather? SH says its in the store room."
Cik Jo: " There, beside you only what? SO big also cannot see ah??"
Fiza turned and she saw: "huhh??? LADDER?? i thought LEATHER..ceh~!"
Cik Jo: "What for an engineer needs a leather?? To spank you with??"
Fiza: "Errr....????"

7 things that scares me:-

1. Ghost/Supernatural forces
2. Injections
3. Interviews
4. Losing anyone whom i hold on dearly
5. Falling tremendously ill/ Death
6. Creepy Crawlies
7. Failure in life

7 things I like most:-

1. My dad, Mom, siblings
2. Alfian
3. Computers w internet access
4. Smile & Crack Jokes
5. Security & to be loved/wanted
6. Being complimented for things that I've done
7. Holidaying/ travelling w my fam' and beloved

7 most important things in my room:-

1. HP
2. Hamsters
3. Bed/comforter/pillows & bolster
4. HP Charger
5. Novel
6. Fan ( make it the no 1 on the list)
7. Mirror/Dressing table

7 random facts about me:-

1. Im getting fatter and fatter day by day
2. I teach tuitions everyday after work
3. At times, I work 7 days per week
4. I've been in love w Alfian for 6 years, in relationship w him for 5yr ++
5. Emotional, cry easily, soft hearted
6. Forgiving
7. When I was 7 yrs old, Inserted a watermelon seed in my left ear and left it to germinate before going to doctor and suck that damn thing out. huehuehue

7 things I plan to do before I die:

1. Travelling to all the 7 wonders of the World w my loved ones.
2. Be married and have lotsa kids.
3. Be a successful career woman and yet a perfect wife to my hubby.
4. Spending more time with fam'.
5. Khatam Quran once again.
6. Swear i'll not miss sholat subuh
7. Repent ( i guess when you know you're dying, that's the first thing that will come to mind right?)

7 things I can't do:-

1. Of course the basics (smoke, drinks, sleeps ard, eat pork)
2. Watch anything horror, see any gross picture.
3. Continued living my life knowing i've been cheated on.
4. Cant be mad w Alfian for more than a week.
5. Cant sleep without hearing Alfian's voice and not seeing my parents before sleeping.
6. Cant do major operations like how a vet does. ( e smell of blood stinks!!)
7. Cant do a single thing right knowing that any of my loved ones in dander.

7 words I say most:-

1. Adapavviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
2. Ntah la.. malas nak ckp lagi
3. Ok la, ok la, ok la..
4. tahu takpe..
5. sigh!!
6. Can you help me do ........
7. aiyah... today got tuition.

Cinta yang terindah
**********************

Mengingati awal perjumpaan kita dulu
Segar dalam ingatanku, dikala itu
Begitu salah tingkah laku ku dihadapanmu
Seperti kemarin saja kejadian itu berlalu

Mengenangkan kembali perjalanan cinta ini
Tak semuanya mudah untuk dilalui
Kadang terlalu jauh dan mendaki
Adakalanya begitu penuh onak dan duri

Merenungkan kembali semuanya
Adakalanya kau membuatkanku kecewa
Adakalanya membuatkanku berduka
Namun tak pernah ku hiraukan semua itu, demi kasih kita

Mengangankan hari esok bersamamu
Tiada lagi keraguan didalam jiwaku
Walaupun kutahu banyak lagi tempat untuk berteduh
Sesungguhnya engkaulah pelabuhan terakhirku

Akan ku terus menantimu wahai Dewa
Menantimu dengan sejuta kasih dan cinta
Kan kupersembahkan semua cinta yang kupunya
Untukmu kekasih yang selalu setia

Agar tidak lagi aku keseorangan
Agar tidak lagi aku diburu kesepian
Walaupun nanti kau tidak memilihku sebagai teman
Walaupun nanti Penantian ini berakhir dengan kenangan

Fiza is a HAPPY lady today.

The date with my love was so therapeutic. Thanks dear for the lovely chat. I feel so lucky to have known you. Your care, patience, intelligence and jokes never fail to made me feel that im such a lucky girl to have made you mine. Your existence really made me realise that life is such a wondrous thing.

Work went well today. Accomplished so much. *Phew* Im really beginning to feel comfortable with the two poly students. They're a lovely bunch though they can be rather dependable at times. Oh well, i was dependable too when i was their age. I wonder if i behave like them when i was under industrial attachment back then in poly. Sheeshz!! :) But they're cool really. Its nice to mingle with youngsters once in a while. They make you feel energised and chatty and being more confident and laughing out loud in public. God! how i miss those times in poly with THE CLASS. the class that never fails to make the lecturers shake their head. hehuehuehue...

Oh yah! i read two books in 2 weeks. How's that for a change? Yeah, i was so busy with work and tuitions, i have no time to read books. But now, i can take my own sweet time reading novels and starting on my ALAT lecture notes. Life's gonna be slow and easy till end of the year. I hope!! heuheuheue...

**Fiza cried her eyes out**

Sheeshhz!!! What's happening! She came again into my life. Last time, you tried to take my boyfriend and now my job! I hate you woman! why must you keep harassing my life. Arghhh!!

But im so not gonna be affected by you, woman! We shall see! Have loads of things that i can rejoice about. Those are:

1) Break fast with my girls @ delifrance on 13/10/05

• We've had so much fun talking we didnt even realise that we've talked for about 4 hours. Its so fun catching up on each other once again. I felt so happy! hee..Wanted to shop for my Hari Raya shoes and bag. But obviously everything was forgotten once i saw the two of them.
• Wanni looked so petite and thin. God! Girl, you betta put on some weight or im gonna look so large sitting beside you. hee..
• Chunyan told us about her accident. Phew, she's one lucky girl, i tell you. It could have been worse. She torn her toe, went for two surgeries and voila, she's still as beautiful as i've always known her to be.
• I wore a fuschia long skirt and black top, put on a lil' make up and everyone at work was go go ga ga about me looking so fine. Even the two engineers were like looking twice when they saw me. ((I know im sloppy but i can look nice when i doll myself up)) hee..

2) Told my love that apparently his friendster fren came over to apply for a position at CARE.

• Was so down that i saw her once again. God! how am i gonna work with somebody whom i hate so much. There's already one big bad black wolf in the office. I dont need one more in the lab. Sheeeshz!! Work's gonna be tough then. Hope she wont get the position. Sheeshz.. ((Common' Fiza, you've got to be professional in this matter. Ahhhh.. wokey, i'll try but i wont promise anything.. anything at all)) sheeshz..
• My love msg me once he knew about it. He said " Hey, Im yours!" Aint it sweet? Thanks Darling. You really understand me so much.
• Aisah said that she's OK, but a little KO. hee.. She thinks im better. yay!

3) Love came to see me the night.

• He was so worried if im saddened about the matter. Aint it sweeter? hee..
• He listened to all that ive said. He's a darlin'.
• We're meeting each other again.. the following day. And that's today.. so here im goona end my entry and getting ready to see him.. He who loves me still...

And you too dear!!

I was in delightful spirits today...

Ive accomplished so many things.. things which i wanted to get them over and done with..

So happy that i helped a pregnant woman and her twin sons crossed the road. I pushed the pram for her... hee.. Was kinda akward initially but she seemed glad that someone helped i think.. though she was very shocked when i approached her... she thought i was a pick pocket.. hehe..

I mean.. common' its not a time to be shy and feeling akward no more... a pregnant lady is in need. why not help?? hee.. If im pregnant, and am in her position, i would want someone to help me.

Oh yah, talking about pregnancy, yesterday, me and ma sis.. went to surf at this website... its our friend's portfolio. He's a photojournalist for wedding couples...

Here's some of the pics that i personally love. They are so symbolic... See em' fer yourself..

Mas kawin digubah seri

Air mawar segar mewangi

Pelamin tersergah berwarna-warni

Menjadi raja & permaisuri sehari

Raja tampan keris di tepi

Cincin ikatan tersarung di jari

Antara dua insan yg mencintai

So magical.. That's the Flame of Love..

**Fizah lets out a huge PHEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!**

Finally, my nightmares are OVER!!

my tuitions are finally reduced to one... syafiq... but teaching him is pure heaven.. he's a bright child..

JW is back from china. That means less work for me... Or not.. well maybe a little.. gee..

I think i was rather down today and didnt talk much. Wasnt the real me @ work.. Aisah saw through me and asked me into the office.. She said that whatever's not satisfactory to the laboratory principles should be made known to her.. literally meaning if any senior staff try to bully me once again.. she must know immediately.. she told me not to suffer in silence. She thought that i was demoralized and am in low spirits to work recently... she thought it's because of the procrastinating promotion and the increase in bullies @ work... thank god she realised.. well at least i scored some good point on the upcoming staff's appraisal right?? Wrong!! what if she sees that as a weakness of not being able to stand up for what's right?? *sigh*

hee... niway she gave me a pat on the back and said.. she knows what's going through my mind.. and that she understands.. gee.. She knows so much... i hope things turns out better tomorrow and the days that follow.

What does life hold in store for me? Will I reach my dreams? Live happily?

Sometimes I Feel
Sometimes I feel so alone but I know I'm not.
Sometimes I feel like I have no friends when I have so many.
Sometimes I feel like no one cares when I know so many do care.
Sometimes I feel like i'll never have anyone of my own when I know I will.
Sometimes I feel like...

I need you...
I need your strong arms around me.
I need to feel the gentle warmth of your cheek next to mine.
I need the closeness of you, the safety of you.
I feel such peace and contentment and joy with the nearness of you.
Without you, I feel the chill of indifference.
I feel the insecurities of a painful past.
I feel lost, searching for a warm place to lay my tired head.
I feel the weight of the world forcing me on my bended knees.
I feel such hopelessness and defeat.
To be a whole, complete person,
I need your true and honest love,
I need you,

Always.

Im living my life the way i didnt like it... Didnt like it... Didnt like it at all...