Im off to Batu Stone for my cousin's wedding this weekend..

Im not looking forward to it..

I wanna usher in the new year in my own country..

With my own group of friends..

But i guess it'll never come true..

It always happens..

I usually never get what i want..

Im kinda used to it..

Bye 2005..

It has been a tough trying year..

Im so not looking forward to go through another year like 2005..

Oh god..

Please let 2006 be a wonderful life experience for me..

With less trying moments for me..

Please..

I badly need some rest..

i feel so worthless.

How i wish i can turn things back..

But how can i do that?

Im having so much regrets in my life..

Im in such poor state..

Im so sad.. helpless..remorseful..

Nobody's with me..

Im all alone..

Deserted.. Alienated..

I feel like a pig..

Looks like a pig..

Behaving like a pig..

What a piggy life im leading..

Why cant i be happy with myself..

Oh god..

Please help ME!!

Its downpouring again...

So cold.. windy..

I can see the heavy drops of water gushing down..

I like.. i like..

Perfect for dreaming session..

Oh boy..

Im still so thinking of this morning..

How i wish the bell didnt wake me up..

I wanna know how it finishes..

Its been so long since i felt that way..

Im in such a dreamy mood..

And the weather's been so kind on me..

What a moment..

Ahhhhwwww.....

**bubble make** **bubble burst**

He is gone for another camp..

Im so missing him..

Is he the prince who gave me 4 rings to choose from??

Ahhhhhhwwwww....

Why oh Why??

It was so so abrupt..

They proposed to me..

In somewhat looked like a hospital/laboratory place..

I was so puzzled..

There were two of them..

Waiting for my reply..

But i didnt say "I Do"..

The alarm clock woke me up..

Hmm.. is that a sign??

Yesterday...means a lot to me..

Today...Will be history for tomorrow..

Tomorrow.. will be today im going through..

And im going through it with you,

Sayang,

Thank you for being my pillar of support..

Sayang,

Thank you for being in my life and going through it with me..

Through thick and thin..

Through difficult years and more demanding years to come..

For i know one thing..

You will never be my History..

I love you..

And loving you means Forever..

I will be there for you..

As you will always be there for me..

Muaccks..

A family's Gathering... How nice.. only nana is not inside the pic.. she's the camera woman.. she always has to be one.. poor nana.

Mommy's chocolate cake from my fav bakery.. Mommy knows me best!!

We're saggitarius!! Only difference is the number of candles!! Im on the right most.. the rest is Daddy's!! hueheuhue..

Sayang's mango cake for me.. I lurve yellow and i lorve fruit cake.. Sayang understands me most..

Im on 16th and Daddy's on 19th..

Thanks sayang for suprising me with your presence... and the roses too.. Ehh??

Now we've got the right person... Its my sista!! She suprised me with the bouquet of roses... I'm lovin it.. :)

ike

Yezza!!!

I've finally changed my blog...

Kinda like the sun rays..

But the screen is not full..

But at least i wouldnt have to tolerate with small wordings nimore..

Will search for a nicer one..

Till then..

Soak up in the sunset..

The warmth of the evening sun..

The serenity of the music..

And enjoy reading and looking through my photos..

Tata..

Im sick of my blogskin...
Its so yucks now..
I dont like it..
But i cant do anything to it now since ive not regained enough enthusiasm to actually change it...
Whatever!!

16 December 1983..
It was a beautiful moment for couple Mr Rahim and Mdm Mariam
It marked the birth of their first child..
ME!!
They named me NURHAFIZAH..

16 December 2005..
22 years later..

The Rahim's family was celebrating my Existence..

My birthday was so good..
Initially i thought no one is gonna celebrate it.
I was so bored..and so stressed that day i didnt want to celebrate it myself..
Of course the first person to wish me is my bf.. That i have to as him to wish me..
Sheeshz... so it doesnt count really..
Next person to wish me is my dad!!
He woke up early just to say happy birthday..
Hee.. so sweet right..
Next.. were of course my staffs and my friends..
Then suddenly at around afternoon..
I received a phone call..
I thought someone was palying a prank on me coz i couldnt hear any voice..
But suddenly.. i heard the "Happy Birthday" tune..
It was so nice..
Guess who called me?
Yes!! Its him.. MY WACKY BRO!!
And then he hung up..
Wat the....
But it was nice.. really..
Made me smile a little..

When i got back home..
My mom was preparing some really good stuffs for me..
I could smell the frangrance that came out of her haven..
Hehueheuheu... It was all so good.
I wanted to eat coz im so famished..
And the smell aint helping me in any way..
But dearest mommy said we'll have to wait till Daddy's finished Reading his Quran.
And that's was like 9pm..
Time checked :5.45pm..
Oh god!!

So i spent the time watching TV..
Watching "the biggest loser" that slimming programme"
They showed Macaroni cheese piling up on a huge bowl..
Oh god!!
And the smell from the kitchen is so inviting..
Asked my mommy for leniency..
Mommy said a flat NO!

Time passed by..
Time checked: 8.50pm..
I received yet another call..
Sayang called..
He said " what are you doing? Enjoying yourself? good party??"
I shrugged and said" Yeah right!"
And he said " Could you just come out of your house now?"
And the next thing i saw was my sayang.. holding a huge yellow box of cake..
YIPPEE!!
I was shocked to see sayang..
He's supposed to be in camp..
He said " oh i told the officer, my wife is expecting and i need to leave"
God.. I almost choke on my saliva upon hearing that..
Of coz the real reason was that his troop got the highest rate of IPPT passed..
so he got some time off..
What a perfect timing..
What a miracle..

Time checked: 9.15pm..
My sister just got back from her NUH attachment..
And we were all sitted at the table.. waiting... waiting..
Suddenly.. A sweet bouquet of white roses was held out to me..
Oh my..
I was so suprised..
It was so so pretty..
And its my favourite.. White roses..
YIPPEE!!

Time checked: 9.17pm
Finally, we got to eat my luncinner (lunch + dinner)..hee..
i was even more suprised when mommy bring out another cake..
YIPPEE!!
I got TWO cakes for my birthday..
One Chocolate cake from mommy..
One Mango cake from sayang...
YEAH!!
I was in such estatic mood..

Time checked 9.55pm..
Sayang had to return back to camp..
Daddy and mommy and me sent him..
Then we went to nenek's house..

What a B'day Party!!
I totally didnt expect it to be so good!!
It was awesome!!

WAAAAHHH!!

Im swarmped.. There's so much to do.. im suffocating slowly..

Woahhh... when's all these gonna slow down??

im so tired.. literally..

My bum still hurt..

Ouchhhhh... Really!!

The Golden Pillow










Tear up the Bread and inside you'll find...

Curry chicken!! Its a big portion. Really!! But i thought the bread's a lil' too small for 4 ppl.

CHeers~!!! May the both of you find eternal happiness in your journey of life.

Can we start now? We're super hungry already!!

It's a bitter-sweet day for me coz today marked the last day of the poly attachment students in CARE. Starting next week, they'll moving over to sAHU and then to AHU and in their absence my work is gonna be tripled.. Sheeshz.. I have lost two of my most helpful helpers.. Im so gonna miss you all babes.. May you enjoy yourselves in NUS..

So to thank Jie Min and Jie Hui, Aisah treated us lunch.. The Golden Pillow.. Its so delicious Dear.. Yum Yum!! We had our meal in group of fours ala makan nasi ambeng. We were so full afters that we were so lazy to start work.. so yeah.. All my work is pushed to next week..you've got it.. PROCRASTINATION!! It has long become my middle name.. My name is Priscilla Procrastinationia. Thank you.. heuhue.. Oh watever.. =P

My Mak Busu and her family came over from KL to visit my dad.. so we all went to have early dinner first at KFC (my bro told them masa time raya.. kalau nak makan KFC, mesti dtg singapore dulu... hah kau, kan dah dtg, belanja kau.. tu la lain kali jgn gatal mulut buat janji... wakakaka).. oh yah.. not enough with KFC, my bro treated us to Pizza.. that latest one as advertised on tv.. I think, personally, its a little too cheesy.. not very nice.. but its ok la... Free aper..

Then afters we went to my Pak Andak's home and the wife said she didnt cook. So we went out to have late dinner, like at 11pm.. its more like a supper la.. heuhue.. confused already.. too much food.. I didnt order any food, just honeydew juice but i ended up eating chicken satay, fish ball noodles that my cousin ordered but at last minute didnt want to eat, rojak petis, clams with sweet sour sambal chilli (yummy!!) and fried rice.. my mom begged me to help her with it since she's struggling to finish it..

So let me wrap up the whole day...

1. So lucky that i got a treat 3 times in a day.. Lunch, dinner, supper!!
2. Super full, sleepy but cant sleep coz stomach too bloated. hueheu..
3. My efforts of two days of fasting's gone down e drain since i stuffed myself so much today.
4. Yeah!! Cant wait to see my sayang tomo... I miss sayang so much!!
5. Gonna spend my weekends to the max.. coz starting monday.. Its HELL TIME!! =...(

When I close my eye at the end of the day,
I smile because I know.
No matter how busy you will be,
You'd still have time to show,
What you think and feel for me;
It shows in all your acts,
You'll never let your sweet love fade or slip through any cracks.

You are the love of my life,
You give me purpose for living,
You are my cherished one,
The reality I have been seeking.

You've brought to my life a world,
That I've never seen before,
One filled with sunshine and love,
Tenderness, and so much more.

Always, you have been in my heart,
You are a special gift from above,
You're the reason why my life has changed.
Now filled with gladness and delight,
Is because, my love, you've given me,
Everything i'd ever searched in my Mr Right.

Baby, you're the thief of my heart.
And, forever grateful as I will always be,
That first day, right from the start,
Love isn't love until the moment you stared back at me.

My day sucked big time today..

Here's why..

____________________Suay No. 1___________________________

I got up early and went to work early today so that nobody's gonna have to wait for me again for being punctual.. sheeshz. (the bus leaves at 7.30am.. is it wrong to arrive at 7.26am sharp everyday???) This morning i arrived at 7.12am but the bloody bus driver arrived late..(she's the one who always complain i late.. sheeshz). She reached at 8.05am!!!

_____________________Suay No. 2__________________________

My left arm was swollen so suddenly i didnt even know where it came from. Aisah said it is allergy to rat's fur.. but common' man.. im in this line for a year plus alredy.. now then want to allergic meh?? i know sometimes allergy takes some time to show but really i dont think its allergy... its more like a bug bite... though i know not which bug bite me... sheeshz... there's like 3 bites on my hand.. and its swelling and its painful... arghhhhhhhhh.... no time to go see doc somemore.. sheeshz....

____________________Suay No. 3___________________________

I lost my earrings at work.. It might have came off when i took off the mask and the buffon cap in the lab..


Aiyah... why like that... so suay.... sheeshzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.... *sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh*


Well at least i get to see ma bf today.. Went to his pasar mlm stall and help him and his fam to sell some food.. It went on well i supposed since im not involved in the profit counting. hee... niway.. sayang sent me home by car. Initially it was horrible.. i was damn terrified since i think he went too fast and was changing lanes too often.. i was like clutching my handbag like so tight.. hueuheuhue... but when sayang started to go slower and sticked to the middle lane.. it was pure heaven... A chill and cool ride home...

Thanks sayang... :)

I am so tired. It seems like everyone wanna a piece of me..

I'm exhausted.. My mind's in a whirl.. Cant seem to focus anymore..

I feel that im weakening..

Actually.. i feel so sick..

My body has been aching.. all my joints feel like its gonna come off any moment.

My head feels so heavy.

I need a rest.

I dont wanna go work tomo.

I need someone to cuddle me to sleep..

But there's always no one..

I slept alone..

Again..

**phew**phew**

The buffet lunch went well.. actually it was sucha splendid spread that everyone praise the cooking. Mr Phua was like asking me early in the morn at the pantry

Phua:"fiza, can you tell me what your mom's gonna cook for us today?"
Fiza: "i dunno sir, but both my dad and mom are gonna cook."
Phua:"Err, can you give me a rough idea what they are cooking?"
Fiza:"why sir? you have any allergies?"
Phua:"nah, i just want to visualise what im gonna eat later.. Must be as nice as the last time."
Fiza:"Err.... heee... oook."

Then at 11.30am.. everyone was like waiting at the porch.. (usually they'll loiter at the pantry) to see if Grandis arrived already.. sheesshz.. once they saw it, Cik Jo ran into the pantry and screamed "Fiza, fiza bapak ko dah dtg." hueheu.. it seemed like as though im going to get married like that... sheeshz.. everyone was like so excited..

But it was sad that the buffet was spread on a metal table instead of wooden table.. So sad coz my dad couldnt put the table curtain hence not so grand.. if not sure like professional catering. All that Big Bad Wolf's fault.. i hate her sooooooo fu**ing much. All that she knows is to complain.. ive never seen anyone as detestable as her in my whole life.. shesshz..

But all in all.. the lunch was a success.. Everyone was happy. the director of Lab Animal Centre asked me for a business card.. i was like " what the....?" business card???" heee.. Never thought it'll be that good. so good that even after we end our work and was in the NUS van going to mrt, they're still talking about it.. Sheeshz... "dear ppl, dont praise us too much la... we're not up to that standard as yet.. heuheue.." but thanks anyway, for letting us do business with you.."

its kinda a good feeling actually to see so many ppl appreciate the food and seeing so many happy and contented faces. It made me feel so at ease.. Me and fam was so anxious the whole day yesterday. But thank god, the food was just enough for everyone there and to ta-pao back.. lucky there was no wastage.. huehue.. ok ok...enuf enuf.. that's all about work..

Yes i am happy... hee..

Dear bf, please do take care of your health ok? you always get sick in times of exams. Im sure you're gonna do good for all the papers so dont freak out ok.. you'll do just fine. Trust me honey. I BELIEVE IN YOU!! :)

Do end your exams soon dear. i so cant wait to go out with you again. But of course that will have to wait till after your camp, your reservice, your chalet.... yada yada yada yada... :(

Im really gonna celebrate my bday alone it seems. Sobz..

sheeshz..

Are men such a no-feeling creatures??

It was just just now that me and mom casually talked about men and how ungrateful they can be..

• One of my not-so-close relative's husband just got married to another janda and now she's the first wife while that janda is the second.. Previously, the wife's got a pretty comfortable salary but sayang suami punya pasal.. she resigned since he forced her to.. But a year later, he also resigned and became a taxi-driver and guess what?? that's where he met the mak janda.. drove her here and there sampai la jadi bini dia.. Sheeshz...
• My cousin, poor her, she's only been married for 2years that time and her husband cheated on her like so obviously... she came to know abt it and confronted him. he said sorry and they forget about the episode.. but apparently, he didnt. coz he was so busy cheating on his wife again and again and again.. and his wife, my cousin, forgave him again and again and again.. but now.. they've separated. their married life lasted for exactly 4years only. Her husband left her with nothing.. nothing at all.. all the furniture he took them all back and sold to the karang-guni man... and that's like just few days to raya.. poor mak ndak have to go shopping for furniture.. sheeshz..
• My colleague, Micheal, told me( more like he boasted it) that he has got a mistress and that she has just bore him a child. Sheeshz.. and all this while the wife dunno abt it. Well, she did la.. but he told her that they've broken up long time ago and that they never keep in contact. but never did the wife realise that he actually got an apartment in sembawang for that woman already. so its like playing hide and seek..

Mon - comes to work
Tue - On MC ( boss tot he's on MC. wife tot he went to work. he went to Sembawang)
Wed - Half day ( wife tot he's working. he went to sembawang. Again.)
Thu - comes to work, go back at 3pm ( nt feelin well, took time off, went to sembawang)
Fri - Go see doctor ( wife tot he's workin. He went Sembawang.)
Sat/Sun - Go Sembawang. (wife thought he came to work Over Time)

• Another colleague of mine, Cik Johari. he told his wife that he's off to play badminton (carrying his badminton and in sports outfit) but in actual fact, he is in Batam. and he daringly told me that.. Batam sampai, Isteri tinggal.

And now i've received a call from my gf telling me how her 5 years of relationship ended just because her man said "we're not fated to be together" and that "times are different now, we have different views and paths of life to lead".."i dont have feelings for you anymore..".. "i wanted to focus on my career" and that was that..

Sheeshz.... what have become of people nowadays?? Are we not faithful to the one and only? does the phase "my one and only" still stands in this society?? till death do us part??

i cant imagine the pain these women endured. The pain inflicted by the one person whom they loved whole heartedly.. the one person whom they willingly sacrificed their everything. To these men, i would say, shame on you people, you guys bring nothing to mankind but destruction and sorrows.

Of course im not just talking about the men but the women as well.. Sheeshz.. and i dont even know where to start... i mean.. there's a malay saying.. "the tree wont sway if there's no wind"..

so go figure.. Sheeshz..

Its been so long since ive blog. Ive always wanted to blog but when i see the computer by my bedside.. my mind just say go to sleep fiza.. go to sleep.. so i did.. but now its 6.10pm and its too early to sleep. my mind tells me to go blog.. so i did... huehueheuhue...

All right, so lets starts from where we left? and where were we? oh yah, my work place!!

ok.. my work place is gonna have a lunch gathering for the opening of CARE II in NUS CARE for the holding of rabbits, guinea pigs and trishu( if i got that right) its a kinda squirrel so small but agile.. haiyo, its so hard to catch it.. take like a good few hours.. huehue.. niway, my boss asked my dad to cater the lunch.. The staffs were so excited knowing that my dad's cooking.. even during Razali's farewell function and the food was'nt to their liking.. (the food was from other catering coz my dad's hospitalized) and they said it out loud that my dad's cooking is so much nicer. hueheuhue.. and now they keep asking what's in store this time... huehue..kinda funny la.. the anticipation they're going through.. everyone is like coming down.. from NUS AHU, NUS sAHU and NUS Lab Animal Centre. Prof Yap is coming too... so exciting. And now my dad is like so nervous.. everything he does is like so wrong.. kesian ayah.. Hope everything turns out well this thursday!! *sheeshz*

Oh yah.. my fam is so going to kampung this 25th. i wanna follow.. but im working.. how to go? can take leave, but cannot coz im like in charge of the two poly students and they're in the mid of their final year project and im kinda assisting them. so how.. and that new temp staff, she's under me.. how to delegate work to her.. so hard.. she's like so new.. know nuts.. * sheeshz* im so gonna kena tinggal sorang2 lagi.. boring seh.. i want to see that anak mak long nyer hubby tu.. She's married to another woman's husband.. sheeshz.. amik laki org.. i wanna see how great he is.. but it seems like no luck eh.. *bleah*

And and im so broke this month.. mom borrowed near $200 bucks from me. supposedly to return on the 25th of last month.. but till now.. she seemed so quiet.. so hangus ahh... sheeshz.. its ok.. Halalkan ah.. and i spent like $180 bucks on the punjabi dress.. sheeshz.. and another few hundred on the "ang bao".. haiyo... i so broke!!!!!!!!!!!

im so waiting for the christmas sale.. want to buy new perfume.. finished my jennifer lopez already or rather my sista, nana, she finished it.. "you drink it or what ah nana?" sheeshz.. and i want to check out Island Shop. they usually have very nice clothes on offer during christmas sale. And i wanna buy the jacket at Mango. its selling at 30% discount. so cool... but now no money... so how?? dream on aje la... Sheeshz.. :(

i realised that my bday is like just a week after my new found friend's, Farihah @ pinkzhippie. Her bday falls on the 24th of Dec. We're saggitarius.. i think la.. right anot?? hehuehuehue... think im gonna buy you a pressie babe.. you wait ah.. this month money not enough.. heuhue.. shesshz... (so many sheeshz in this entry ah...) sheeshz!

ok la ok la... im going to jalan raya... dad's calling... ciaoz...

huehuehue... nak step konon... huhuehueu..

This week has been a roller coaster ride for me.

Its a one woman show at work today. All the bosses have gone for a seminar. So left the mini-boss and that's me!

*Phew*Didnt know that being a boss can be so difficult. All the time it's Fiza here, Fiza there..

Fiza how ah??
Fiza, like this can or not??
Fiza, what you want me to do now??
Fiza, can i take time off??
Fiza, can i go back at 3pm??
Fiza, the bottle washer machine's spoil..
Fiza, can you check the order list??
Fiza, can you stock check the carcasses??
Fiza, the Zoo Man's here..
Fiza, the birdpark call..
Fiza, small sized gloves finished already.
Fiza, how to see the plug?
Fiza, i need more rats for testing..
Fiza, the mice not enough for supply..
Fiza, cannot wash off the IVC pipe..
Fiza, the isolator's glove got hole already..
Fiza ... Fiza.... Fizaa........

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!! Stop!!!

For a moment, i lost my orientation. Luckily found myself back and its

Lina, go mend the isolator's glove..
Aru, help the two poly students to wash the pipe..
Sarika, please order some more gloves..
Smile at the Zoo people and tell them to take their time choosing their dead rats/mice.
Call the service man to come on Monday and service bottle washer.
Cancelled those orders that cannot be supplied.
Told the ah-sohs, that if they want to leave early.. i'll still have to record down who "cabut".

In the end, everything went just fine. But of course with blunders here and there..

Blunder No 1
--------------
Poly students: "Fiza, how to see if the rats are mated?"
Fiza: "Very Easy. If the rats are mated, you'll see a plug in the vagina."
Poly students: " Fiza, we're not sure leh. Can help us to see whether there's any plug or not?"
Fiza: "Yah sure.. Come, just tilt the tail to expose the genitals, try to open up the vagina to see if any plug has been inserted in by the male. That will show that they've mated."
Fiza: "See, there's something inside.. You all can see or not?"
Poly students: "Fiza, isnt that the anus you're looking at?"
Fiza: "Errr....?????"

Blunder no 2
-------------
Engineer: "Xcuse me, do you have ladder?"
Fiza: "Leather? I dont think we have any leather here. We dont use it.Wait ah, i'll go and ask my senior. "
Fiza: " Swee huat, do we have any leather here or not??"
Swee Huat: " Of course la, ladder's in the store room."
Fiza: " huhh?? We got leather meh?? we keep in store room??
SH: " yeah la, you ah.. very obvious what?"
Fiza: "and how does the leather looks like?"
SH & Engineer: ???!!!???

Fiza goes into the store room.. looks left, looks right...
An attendant came into the store room..

Fiza:"Cik Jo, do you know where's the leather? SH says its in the store room."
Cik Jo: " There, beside you only what? SO big also cannot see ah??"
Fiza turned and she saw: "huhh??? LADDER?? i thought LEATHER..ceh~!"
Cik Jo: "What for an engineer needs a leather?? To spank you with??"
Fiza: "Errr....????"

7 things that scares me:-

1. Ghost/Supernatural forces
2. Injections
3. Interviews
4. Losing anyone whom i hold on dearly
5. Falling tremendously ill/ Death
6. Creepy Crawlies
7. Failure in life

7 things I like most:-

1. My dad, Mom, siblings
2. Alfian
3. Computers w internet access
4. Smile & Crack Jokes
5. Security & to be loved/wanted
6. Being complimented for things that I've done
7. Holidaying/ travelling w my fam' and beloved

7 most important things in my room:-

1. HP
2. Hamsters
3. Bed/comforter/pillows & bolster
4. HP Charger
5. Novel
6. Fan ( make it the no 1 on the list)
7. Mirror/Dressing table

7 random facts about me:-

1. Im getting fatter and fatter day by day
2. I teach tuitions everyday after work
3. At times, I work 7 days per week
4. I've been in love w Alfian for 6 years, in relationship w him for 5yr ++
5. Emotional, cry easily, soft hearted
6. Forgiving
7. When I was 7 yrs old, Inserted a watermelon seed in my left ear and left it to germinate before going to doctor and suck that damn thing out. huehuehue

7 things I plan to do before I die:

1. Travelling to all the 7 wonders of the World w my loved ones.
2. Be married and have lotsa kids.
3. Be a successful career woman and yet a perfect wife to my hubby.
4. Spending more time with fam'.
5. Khatam Quran once again.
6. Swear i'll not miss sholat subuh
7. Repent ( i guess when you know you're dying, that's the first thing that will come to mind right?)

7 things I can't do:-

1. Of course the basics (smoke, drinks, sleeps ard, eat pork)
2. Watch anything horror, see any gross picture.
3. Continued living my life knowing i've been cheated on.
4. Cant be mad w Alfian for more than a week.
5. Cant sleep without hearing Alfian's voice and not seeing my parents before sleeping.
6. Cant do major operations like how a vet does. ( e smell of blood stinks!!)
7. Cant do a single thing right knowing that any of my loved ones in dander.

7 words I say most:-

1. Adapavviiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
2. Ntah la.. malas nak ckp lagi
3. Ok la, ok la, ok la..
4. tahu takpe..
5. sigh!!
6. Can you help me do ........
7. aiyah... today got tuition.

Cinta yang terindah
**********************

Mengingati awal perjumpaan kita dulu
Segar dalam ingatanku, dikala itu
Begitu salah tingkah laku ku dihadapanmu
Seperti kemarin saja kejadian itu berlalu

Mengenangkan kembali perjalanan cinta ini
Tak semuanya mudah untuk dilalui
Kadang terlalu jauh dan mendaki
Adakalanya begitu penuh onak dan duri

Merenungkan kembali semuanya
Adakalanya kau membuatkanku kecewa
Adakalanya membuatkanku berduka
Namun tak pernah ku hiraukan semua itu, demi kasih kita

Mengangankan hari esok bersamamu
Tiada lagi keraguan didalam jiwaku
Walaupun kutahu banyak lagi tempat untuk berteduh
Sesungguhnya engkaulah pelabuhan terakhirku

Akan ku terus menantimu wahai Dewa
Menantimu dengan sejuta kasih dan cinta
Kan kupersembahkan semua cinta yang kupunya
Untukmu kekasih yang selalu setia

Agar tidak lagi aku keseorangan
Agar tidak lagi aku diburu kesepian
Walaupun nanti kau tidak memilihku sebagai teman
Walaupun nanti Penantian ini berakhir dengan kenangan

Fiza is a HAPPY lady today.

The date with my love was so therapeutic. Thanks dear for the lovely chat. I feel so lucky to have known you. Your care, patience, intelligence and jokes never fail to made me feel that im such a lucky girl to have made you mine. Your existence really made me realise that life is such a wondrous thing.

Work went well today. Accomplished so much. *Phew* Im really beginning to feel comfortable with the two poly students. They're a lovely bunch though they can be rather dependable at times. Oh well, i was dependable too when i was their age. I wonder if i behave like them when i was under industrial attachment back then in poly. Sheeshz!! :) But they're cool really. Its nice to mingle with youngsters once in a while. They make you feel energised and chatty and being more confident and laughing out loud in public. God! how i miss those times in poly with THE CLASS. the class that never fails to make the lecturers shake their head. hehuehuehue...

Oh yah! i read two books in 2 weeks. How's that for a change? Yeah, i was so busy with work and tuitions, i have no time to read books. But now, i can take my own sweet time reading novels and starting on my ALAT lecture notes. Life's gonna be slow and easy till end of the year. I hope!! heuheuheue...

**Fiza cried her eyes out**

Sheeshhz!!! What's happening! She came again into my life. Last time, you tried to take my boyfriend and now my job! I hate you woman! why must you keep harassing my life. Arghhh!!

But im so not gonna be affected by you, woman! We shall see! Have loads of things that i can rejoice about. Those are:

1) Break fast with my girls @ delifrance on 13/10/05

• We've had so much fun talking we didnt even realise that we've talked for about 4 hours. Its so fun catching up on each other once again. I felt so happy! hee..Wanted to shop for my Hari Raya shoes and bag. But obviously everything was forgotten once i saw the two of them.
• Wanni looked so petite and thin. God! Girl, you betta put on some weight or im gonna look so large sitting beside you. hee..
• Chunyan told us about her accident. Phew, she's one lucky girl, i tell you. It could have been worse. She torn her toe, went for two surgeries and voila, she's still as beautiful as i've always known her to be.
• I wore a fuschia long skirt and black top, put on a lil' make up and everyone at work was go go ga ga about me looking so fine. Even the two engineers were like looking twice when they saw me. ((I know im sloppy but i can look nice when i doll myself up)) hee..

2) Told my love that apparently his friendster fren came over to apply for a position at CARE.

• Was so down that i saw her once again. God! how am i gonna work with somebody whom i hate so much. There's already one big bad black wolf in the office. I dont need one more in the lab. Sheeeshz!! Work's gonna be tough then. Hope she wont get the position. Sheeshz.. ((Common' Fiza, you've got to be professional in this matter. Ahhhh.. wokey, i'll try but i wont promise anything.. anything at all)) sheeshz..
• My love msg me once he knew about it. He said " Hey, Im yours!" Aint it sweet? Thanks Darling. You really understand me so much.
• Aisah said that she's OK, but a little KO. hee.. She thinks im better. yay!

3) Love came to see me the night.

• He was so worried if im saddened about the matter. Aint it sweeter? hee..
• He listened to all that ive said. He's a darlin'.
• We're meeting each other again.. the following day. And that's today.. so here im goona end my entry and getting ready to see him.. He who loves me still...

And you too dear!!

I was in delightful spirits today...

Ive accomplished so many things.. things which i wanted to get them over and done with..

So happy that i helped a pregnant woman and her twin sons crossed the road. I pushed the pram for her... hee.. Was kinda akward initially but she seemed glad that someone helped i think.. though she was very shocked when i approached her... she thought i was a pick pocket.. hehe..

I mean.. common' its not a time to be shy and feeling akward no more... a pregnant lady is in need. why not help?? hee.. If im pregnant, and am in her position, i would want someone to help me.

Oh yah, talking about pregnancy, yesterday, me and ma sis.. went to surf at this website... its our friend's portfolio. He's a photojournalist for wedding couples...

Here's some of the pics that i personally love. They are so symbolic... See em' fer yourself..

Mas kawin digubah seri

Air mawar segar mewangi

Pelamin tersergah berwarna-warni

Menjadi raja & permaisuri sehari

Raja tampan keris di tepi

Cincin ikatan tersarung di jari

Antara dua insan yg mencintai

So magical.. That's the Flame of Love..

**Fizah lets out a huge PHEWWWWWWWWWWW!!!**

Finally, my nightmares are OVER!!

my tuitions are finally reduced to one... syafiq... but teaching him is pure heaven.. he's a bright child..

JW is back from china. That means less work for me... Or not.. well maybe a little.. gee..

I think i was rather down today and didnt talk much. Wasnt the real me @ work.. Aisah saw through me and asked me into the office.. She said that whatever's not satisfactory to the laboratory principles should be made known to her.. literally meaning if any senior staff try to bully me once again.. she must know immediately.. she told me not to suffer in silence. She thought that i was demoralized and am in low spirits to work recently... she thought it's because of the procrastinating promotion and the increase in bullies @ work... thank god she realised.. well at least i scored some good point on the upcoming staff's appraisal right?? Wrong!! what if she sees that as a weakness of not being able to stand up for what's right?? *sigh*

hee... niway she gave me a pat on the back and said.. she knows what's going through my mind.. and that she understands.. gee.. She knows so much... i hope things turns out better tomorrow and the days that follow.

What does life hold in store for me? Will I reach my dreams? Live happily?

Sometimes I Feel
Sometimes I feel so alone but I know I'm not.
Sometimes I feel like I have no friends when I have so many.
Sometimes I feel like no one cares when I know so many do care.
Sometimes I feel like i'll never have anyone of my own when I know I will.
Sometimes I feel like...

I need you...
I need your strong arms around me.
I need to feel the gentle warmth of your cheek next to mine.
I need the closeness of you, the safety of you.
I feel such peace and contentment and joy with the nearness of you.
Without you, I feel the chill of indifference.
I feel the insecurities of a painful past.
I feel lost, searching for a warm place to lay my tired head.
I feel the weight of the world forcing me on my bended knees.
I feel such hopelessness and defeat.
To be a whole, complete person,
I need your true and honest love,
I need you,

Always.

Im living my life the way i didnt like it... Didnt like it... Didnt like it at all...

Your Ideal Relationship is Marriage

You've dated enough to know what you want.And that's marriage - with the right person.You're serious about settling down some time soon.Even if you haven't met the person you want to get hitched to!

What's" Your Ideal Relationship?

HUHHHHH???

Sure anot?? gee...Yeah the thought has came across my mind before but not really seriously planning or what.. still dreaming about it la... my baby's not ready yet.. we still have a long way to g... Dating is fun what??

**Fizah let out a heavy breath..**

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

Let's start off with what happened yesterday.

At work, Aisah asked me to help her find a present for Razali's farewell party as a token of appreciation for his service in NUS for many many years long. i thought of a decent watch but aisah didnt really like the idea. she said that Razali wont appreciate it. She said that he's the "selenge" type. i was very upset when she said that. i mean who is she to say people "selenge" or not right? aisah thought of a buying a photo frame and inserting old photos of the him and the staffs at LAC. so i went to causeway point with my mom in search of a nice photo frame.. i saw this really chic "expensive"-looking solid wood photo frame at Precious Thoughts and without thinking further.. i bought it. Then me and mom went to BK and had our dinner. It was fun. The dinner i mean.. it's been long since me and mom spent time together. OK.. so then we went back home and when i wanted to put the photo in the frame.. i realised that ive bought the wrong size.. the frame is for 5R photo but my photo is size 3R. so what i did was to put two 3R photo together. it looked pretty ok i guess. Well, at least it covered my blunder.. Luckily.. *Phew*

Wokey, so today, i woke up late.. and had to take my own transport.. Reached @ 8.30am so had no time for breakfast. Went into office only to be told that another staff "see doctor". Damn it!! That means its my turn to go cover his duty in the wash area to "korek Sai".. whatever!! at 11.30am, off we went to Sembawang, LAC for the farewell party. I saw Razali.. sheeshz.. now i know why aisah said that he's a selenge.. he really is.. i mean its not the selenge- selenge type.. its more of like he's very in his own world. like he's in a daze. he doesnt respond to people around him. its like his eyes's looking into space.. the staffs there said that he was disturbed by spirits..and he would just scream at any time.. at the top of his voice saying that he doesnt want to be disturbed anymore.. good gracious.. i wonder who he's talking to.. Aisah told me that that's the reason why he was retrenched.. poor guy.. he looked very decent.. *sigh*

oh no... im late for tuition again.. will update again if ive time today... bye..

I am so tired..

I am so tired..

I am so tired..

Horrayyy!!! Huwowwwwww!!!!!!! My date yesterday with alfian was sooooo good.. i just couldnt start describing how much we've bonded.. and how much we've enjoyed ourselves so thoroughly.. Yayy!! At long last, i experienced the date i've always been longing for so long. Thanks dear for making me so happy yesterday though i had to wait for you for 2 hours long. BUT it all worth it.. I was so damnnnnn tired afters.. The sleep following it was so peaceful, calm and serene.. You can practically see me smile whilst sleeping.

Therefore today, i woke up feeling refreshed, cant wait to start the day. Oh what sweet dreams i had yesterday.. the hot sun, the soft sand, the sparkling clear blue sea, the corals, the calming blue sky, the shades, the straw hat, and of course my hot man sipping ice water.. huwowwwwwwwwwww....

Anyway, a call @ 6.30am stopped all my fantasy. My boss called and said that one of the staffs called in sick. so two down and now one down.. what else can be so boring on a monday morning. so i went out of my house feeling cheery bubbly and very enthusiastic to start the day. But when i reached Kranji MRT, another 2 of the staffs reported MC again. ok! there goes my mood , my fantasy, my everything. coz why? coz that means that i had to 'pa kau liao'everything. right from the packing, to the washing bay, to the mice room, to the rat room. And if that's not enough, the taiwan visitors had to come today and of course i had to leave my work and entertain them.. luckily there was aisah to help bring them around. Sheeshz...

Errrrrr.... i forgot to check the time.. im running late for my tuition.. sheeshz.....

So here i am at my office on a saturday morning.. *sigh*

My duties are done but i cant go back yet coz i've to wait for the electrician to finish doing his wiring and return me the switch room key. That explained why i have the time to update on my blog.

My weekend gonna be a fast one... lets see.. tomorrow i'll have to come to work *again* and then to tuition *again* and then go out with darling. i hope we'll have a fun time together. i need to de-stress myself. hmm... when was the last time i watch a movie?? errr... nah i cant remember.. months ago maybe.. sheeshz..

Wokey.. here comes Thiru the electrician.

Im off to tuition now.. sheeshz..

- the bus ride's the only thing why i enjoyed going to work.. sheeshz..

Well... what can i say.

This whole week has been very frantic for me. An emotional, really take alot from me.. Im so deadbeat from everything that has happened throughout this week.

Firstly, i didnt get the much awaited promotion. Common' man.. i deserved it. i worked my ass off.. Bosses said it'll have to wait till december. Oh what ever..

Secondly, apart from my work duties.. im now in charge of two temasek poly students on attachment for a period of 3 months. Gosh, if my work load is not suffocating me already, you've to add on to my work load. Sobz. Next week will be hell coz Swee Huat's on leave for a week and JW is still on leave whole lot of next week. Only ME.. ive got no leave.. or better well rephrase it.. i cant take leave. how unfair. Sheeshz..

Im really left with no energy at all to do tuitions. have been cancelling all my tuitions for this week. And tomorrow's the Doa Selamat for my dad at my home.. i'll have to help out. But that will have to be after im off to work then to tuition then come home. There goes my much awaited date with my love. Sheeshzz...

Everytime when i post anything on this bloggie.. it took me quite some time to ponder on the stuffs that i went through for the day and what i wanted to do for the day but have no time.. or rather no opportunities to do so. Im tired.. as a whole.. I barely have any time for myself. I need a long break. Away from this fast-paced country.. away from any demands.. i just want to do something without thinking of whether i would be wasting my time and then started doing my first task on my to-do list.. I feel like im a robot. i have been programmed to do this and that against my will. Yeah.. im stressed. Sheeeeeeeeeeshz..

Let's start off with what i did today,

• Wake up.
• Went to work.
• Come home.
• Eat dinner.
• Went for tuition at 6pm.
• Went for another tuition at 8pm.
• Reached home, sit infront of pc blogging.

What i really wanted to do today,

• Say good morning to my dad.
• Spend time with family, talk about anything.. just family bonding after work.
• Have a slow quiet dinner with family.
• Relax and watch TV.
• Catch up with sister's revision for O level.
• Catch up with my mom and bro.
• Pampering myself with the body lotion i bought 3 or 4 months ago which is still left untouched.
• Say good night to my fam, kiss my dad and mom.

I thought i needed some quality time with my family which i think i havent been having. But everytime when i wanted to do something like that..i realise that my time are preoccupied with work and tuitions. I wanted to have a balanced lifestyle but i just cant dismiss the tuitions and all.. i needed the cash. Yes! Its true that money is'nt everything. But if you look at it in another way, money really makes the world go round. Though money can never be enough for anyone, having more money to spend and save can really save a person in times of difficulties.

I miss my fam'. Really.

Unluck-iest Day of the Year

Early morning i woke up.. My flu has worsen.. I feel so weak.. I am sick.

At work, my toenail was broken into two with the broken nail still loosely pasted on the flesh. It made me so painful to just walk, let alone wearing lab boots. Gosh it hurts so much. I was loading a trolley with beddings and pellet to be pushed into the animal room. I wasnt aware that the one of the trolley's wheels was very loose. I loaded it full, probably 50kg of bags or more. While i was pushing it into the mice room, the loose wheel making it harder to control so.. you guessed it.. the wheel stopper got hooked on to my toes, dragging me with it for a few seconds. There goes my tiny toe. Excruciating Pain!

Then while i was replacing the old rat breeders in the isolators.. one of the rats, a male rat, weighing probably 5kg bit through the biohazard plastic bag which it was in and got freed. It took me a good 2++ hours to catch it in the isolator. Not an easy job at all considering the limited length of the gloves.. I caught it in the end and when i passed it to my assistant, he was bitten by that Little Mischevious Male Rat. It was a very deep cut. The rat bit through the thick plastic gloves. EWW... painful. Blood was oozing out from my assistant's palm non stop. I treated his wound, got it all wrapped up. Man, i feel so guilty. "So sorry Tor Lee. wo bu shi ku yi de!! Mee Lubok for you tomorrow ok?" huehue..

Just because of a stupid rat and a stupid trolley.. im so behind time. To make things worse, my boss was on course so i have to cover her duties as well. Shucks man. So many responsibilities.. so little salary. I'd better get a promotion soon or else im outta CARE, running over to BIOPOLIS. huehue.. my boss would cut my head off if she sees this entry.

Oh well, nobody's perfect!

Today was ok for me. My sore throat is getting better though my blocked nose still wont go away. CARE is doing well today, did supply of rats and mice and nothing went wrong. No complaints what so ever. Everything went smoothly till the time i knocked off from work. I saw this little brown pig from the across the road and it was coming at me. Terrified as i was, i ran back to CARE. I didnt know what happened to that little pig after that. The AVA might have gotten rid of it or something ((think suckling pig)).. huehue.. Thank god! No way am i gonna risk losing my life over that piggie. Sheeshz! =P. I thought everything has been settled last sunday but obviously nothing has been done.


See.. last sunday, i went to work to do OT (yeah it sucks.. working 7 days per week.. *Sigh*) and during the bus journey at Sungei Gedong Camp.. 3 little pigs came out from the side bushes, crossing the road so fast that the bus driver couldnt brake in time. It was so sudden that everything happened in a split of a second:- the bus ran over two of the pigs while one of the pigs obviously, the cleverest among them, retreated and was saved. It must have been the one i saw just now though it looked alot bigger now. And scary.. The other two were unfortunately "sacrificed?" wahahaha.. with the interiors splattered on the road. What gore sight to see on a beautiful sunday morning. I never seen anything like that before in my whole life. It's sad. It made me wonder for awhile. What made the 3 little pigs ran out like that? Running away from the big bad wolf or what? Poor thing.. anyway, the third pig is not so clever after all.. imagine becoming a suckling pig after 3 days of escaping from death.


Now it made me ponder.. does death really come to us? Cant we cheat death? Reminded me of The Final Destination. This is so super scary. Like as though my work place is not scary enough being strategically located near the burial place.. all these natural forces have to come and disturb us. Disturb Me! *sigh* It no wonder after so long of working in my Department.. one by one of the staffs became mentally ill. Swear!! Im not lying. This is so scary. And yeah.. that sick staff.. Razali.. was retrenched last week.. poor thing.. There goes his rice bowl. I wonder if he's ever gonna find another job. So so Sad.


~ Apalah erti kesenangan kalau tidak kecapi kebahagiaan dunia dan akhirat.

finally i can have my boyfriend all to myself. no more silat no more having to share him with his friends. its not that im petty or what but its time that i have HIM all to myself.. he is mine anyway.. as in MINE anyway.. huehuehue.. i miss him dearly.. its true that i see him every weekend.. but i feel that there's no quality time shared between us... but now.. thankfully everything's over and he has return to me ..


this week gonna have a chalet with my friends.. huehuehuehueheuheuhe.. yeah.. but before that im gonna spend an enchanting evening with my beloved man celebrating our 5th year anniversary.. im so anxious about it. its like something we've been waiting for, aint it daRLIn? yokey yokey.. hmm.. but im kinda broke now, can anyone spare me some money now???? oh well... i guess we're just gonna spend the evening as simple as possible.. nothing so lavish.. its how we spend the evening that counts right? still have no plan right now.. but i'll think of something soon.. its gonna be a night so memorable that we're gonna tell our children how loving we are...right dear...


hueheuhue.. pray for me gerls.. i want this evening to work out smoothly for both of us..


~~ The Special day is so near, I can smell the roses in the air...

i never expected things to go this way. all was going fine until it all started again..i really dont know what went wrong.. is it me? is it my fault? but why does it always have to be my fault? am i really that detestable? really that horrible a person? why do you like me then? i dont want things to be this way.. why must it turn out like this... im tired.. i wanted us to be happy.. not to be at loggerhead all the times.. i wanted to be pampered.. i wanted your care and your touch.. i yearn the way you caress my hair.. i miss the way you look deeply into my eyes.. holding my chin and smile sincerely... i love the way you hug me and constantly encouraging me to improve on myself.. i need the assurance you always give me.. i need you.. i really need you.. but why of all the times when i need you the most.. you're not there.. you didnt do all the things that you did best. is it because of me? is it caused by me? i know im not the easiest person to get along with.. and so.. i want say that im sorry.. im sorry for everything that ive caused you..

- i know my flaws.. i know i have many of them..

round of applause to my dearest sista for dolling up a kiddy + girly blogskin for me and putting up the template for me... and i dont only like me k.. there's so many things i like.. aiyoo... and wassup with the fuckers and bitches and bastards huh??? anyway... schedule's gonna be tight starting next week so yah... hoping to spend more time with my beloved though it seems so impossible... but we're gonna try our best ya baby? i miss you so much dear..

aku akan terus memperjuangkan hidup seharianku yg penuh dgn pancaroba dunia...

hey dudettes!!!!

yo gerls.. so how's life.. ive been not blogging for so long.. hoping to make it a point to blog everyday though it'll be hard.. but i'll try.. life so far have been pleasant for me.. though i find it hard to wake up everyday to work.. and my tuitions... i shall not even talk abt it no more...

days are pretty bearable now.. basically that's because my tuitions have stopped for the sch hols.. but im starting soon... im very hard up for money.. like veryyyyyyyyyyy hard up for money..

soon its gonna be my 5yrs anniv with my bf.. not sure what to get for him.. someone help me in this.. so low in money wise... so low in ideas... gosh.. wat im suppose to do..

been calling up and sms-ing my frens lately... so happy to know that my frens are doing well.. really hope to catch up with them soon...

ok la.. not really in a mood to talk rite now.. till next time k?

** akan ku tatap wajahmu kerna rinduku semakin membarak..

now where do i start? i really cant imagine the things that are happening to me right now.. its so heart breaking.. i just cant explain in words what im feelin right now.. its .. just not.. i just feel like i shouldnt .. i mean.. it shouldnt be happening to me.. but life is unexpected and sometimes things just happen.. though things usually happen for a reason. im not sure if the incidents occuring to me now signalling me to look at my life and analyse if i still should be living this sorta life.. im really at a juncture.. should i or should i not.. i dont wanna experience these stuffs again.. ever again.. but i cant just dismiss it like that.. i know that i have to make a decision and decision comes with consequences.. and i will have to decide it sooner or later.. its just.. please... why do i have to decide.. its so unfair.. what you did to me.. i have to bear.. what you do.. i have to live with it..

- so where do i go from here??

jadi.. my life's update so far... been so frustrated in my work.. so many irritants ( I dont mean the chemicals here.. go figure!!) so many decisions to make.. so many things to do... my schedule is so uptight i dont even have any time to myself.. the only time i had is tonight that also.. i only managed to squeeze enough time to watch the OC.. i love the show.. just loved it.. the only stress reliever i can rely on right now.....

(( I miss my darl'!!))

hueheuhue.. dah berulat da blog ni ker???? huehue.. well.. alot of things have happened this week.. or should i say the last week? unexpected things happened.. hueheu.. but i still know my limits.. i still know my status.. i still know my stand.. and im proud to say that i pass the test with flying colours.. not everyone can be as faithful as trustworthy as me.. im proud that i did not go against my principles.. im happy with my life although not all smooth sailing.. i've learnt to take things into my stride.. to not expect too much from ppl/situation.. i've learnt to not trust ppl too easily..i've accomplised certain things on myself and im pretty satisfied really.. step by step.. i'll change my life for the better of myself.. and the ppl ard me.. pray for me gerls!!

!! Im the naiive gerl no more!!

right people.. how has your life been?? hope everything is going on fine.. mine have ermm.. should i say never been better or should i say never been worse.. i shall let you decide..

this week and the previous week basically i did my routine work.. but the secretary.. that freaking damnn bitch.. depan org bukan main lembut lagi mulut.. blakang org.. back stab.. complain sana complain sini.. poke her nose into almost every single work i did in the office.. lain kali kalau tak percaya buat sendiri arrr... tgk tgk!!! benciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! ehhh podahhh ah..my bosses tak apa2, dia plak nyebok.. stakat secretary tu buat2 arr mcm secretary.. prasan besar.. besar kepala ader arr.. keling!! luckily my everyday work doesnt require me to stay in the office for e whole day.. so now most of my time.. would be in the lab.. lagi tenteram jaga tikus.. kadang2.. haiwan lagi mulia dari manusia.. RENUNGKANLAH!!

ok.. my boss took half day today.. so now i've got the pc again.. yeah.. yah.. i havent finish what im about to say just now.. ok.. ahhhhhh... today kena do at wash area.. wash all the cages... erwwwww... so much shittttt... but still i endured.. but i smell nice though.. wahahha.. watever... can bathe wat rite? ok.. then yeah... i supplied one less Sprague Dawley Rat to SGH.. goodness... luckily they never complain.. aduh... penat ahhh oiii... penat tau.. anyway.. got to compensate those.. have to send them again on friday.. watever la..

hmmm... wat else to say eh... wermm.. wat else eh.. i thought of dating my mom and siter go to bugis on saturday.. just to chill around.. sigh... i miss my darling so much.. but i know i cant see him.. i mean.. i shouldnt broad over it but.. i really miss him.. how hah?? i think the one way that could distraught my attention is to go shopping... so guys.. . i mean.. gerls.. who want to go shopping with me??

!! Letting Nature takes its course..

yokke yokke... upon urgent demand that i have to update my blog.. so here's another entry.

recently ive been on a shopping spree with my newly found babe fren.. syikin.. we went out to bugis.. got my damn.. as in DAMNNN handphone back.. (hopefully it doest crank again) and then we went to orchard to meet up with Renee.. renee... hmmm.. a very bubbly gerl... nice to be with..

we ate at cahaya.. it sucks... imagine chicken rice without chilli and the most important one.. the soup??? annnywayyy... we thought that we din have enough so i suggested manja-ing ourselves with icecreams... well.. we worked hard during the week.. so we deserved it ok? then after that we went shopping again.. and damn.. renee always talking about how she got nice buttt.. watever.. i know mine's flat.. yeah eyah... hueheuehue... and the most i tak puas hati is that.. syikin got a nice top.. that aritis or whatever the shop name is.. the shirt is so beautifully done up for her... i want one too... not fair... im sure im gonna get one soon... i'll make sure they got one in my size... so tak fair..

niway... that's about it i guess.. and of course im so looking forward to the weekend again.. hahaha.. not sure wat i wanna do though.. its been like officially 2 weeks since i last seen my bf.. watever.. not going to be sad about it nimore... got lotsa other things to be happy about.. wahhahaa... so thats all fer ya all now... got to go back to work.. my boss is looking... byeeeeeee..

sorry boss..!! hueheue.. (mischevious grin~!!)

just as i have expected... things went bad again yesterday.. why do we always freaking have to fight?? im so exhausted already.. and it always seems like its my fault.. !! feels like giving up already..

work?? still the same old thing again.,. not that stress really.. its been bearable.. i kinda like the job though the pay is just a pittance.. but the most that i freakingly hate is my tuitions.. why do i have to do these tuitions... MONEY!!!!! oh man!! why do i have to subdue myself to this shit just for money sake? what the fcuk have gone into me...?? i want my life back...

~~nobody wants to share.. nobody's seems to care.. about ME!!~~

hey people... ok here's a new entry after so long.. been so busy catching up with my life let alone people's life..

as you all know from my previous entries..( sorry to those who cant read malay, i'll explain to you when we meet up yah?? ).. i've been at my best medicating my relationship that had turn sour.. thanks to myself and him.. it seems that people just dont treasure and tend to take things for granted if we're constantly by their side.. i've made my stand though.. to him.. and i'm so glad that things turned out fine.. i am happy now with the state of our relationship going on well. i hope it'll last till a long long time.. its so tiring to just keep on mending a broken heart.

This week.. is gonna be the last week that im able to see my love. Soon after.. he's gonna study for his gruelling exams.. and i'm left all alone again.. but its ok though.. i can hold on.. i can bear all hardships.. he's studying for the better of our life.. and may i repeat its OUR life.. just hope that he understands that.. that he sees that im doing all these for us.. i really praye that our relationship can stand the test of time.. for i cant bear falling apart with you dear...

``It's not just ((ME)) anymore, it's ((US))``

Kenapa diri ini selalu disisirkan? kenapa aku yang asyik perlu bertimbang rasa? Sampai bilakah aku akan dpt rasa diri ini dihormati..diperlukan..disayangi oleh seseorg.. kenapa hidup aku slalu ditimpa bencana dan malapetaka dunia? Apakah tuhan saja mahu menduga? kenapa harus aku harungi liku2 hidup yg slalu membuatkan aku rasa tersisir? kepada siapakah yg dpt aku leraikan rahsiahati yg telah lama terbuku dikalbu? apakah aku tidak diperlukan lagi! apakah aku ini insan yg hanya mampu menagih kasih sayang seseorg insan! apakah aku ini mualaf yg byk menyusahkan! maafkan aku jikalau aku duduk menumpang kasih sayang kau.. tidak sama skali aku berhasrat utk menyesakkan kehidupan kau sehingga terlintas difikiran kau yg aku ini terlalu insecure.

Apakah aku tidak layak bertahta dihati kau? adakah aku ini begitu membosankan. apakah aku ini tidak sesuai utk memiliki kebahagiaan duniawi!! kenapa harus AKU?? AKU yang harus menanggung derita? Aku sayu melihat teman2ku yg mempunyai semuanya.. kebahagiaan hidup dgn famili yg sepadu, karier yg mantap, teman hidup yg setia - sempurna seadanya. tapi mengapa tidak dgn aku? apakah sudah suratan azali yg aku mempunyai kehidupan seperti ini.. hina sgtkah aku ini?


~~Aku PASRAH!!!

Hurm.. just got back from werk.. one more day to the weekends..!! yaHOOOO!! i cant wait for the weekends.. me and my baby's gonna have some private time to our own to just chill out and be in each others embrace.. its been time since we last did tt.. i'm literally counting the minutes.. heuheu.. hopefully watever we've planned will turn out smoothly..and no more cancellation of dates.. arghhhhh!!! i need my lovey dosages.... :0

--Akan ku simpan sisip kenangan pahit kita jauh dilubuk hati..--

Middle of the night..

*sigh*sigh*

Right!! wat now.. *sigh* i cant get to sleep and so here i am.. in front of my pc..*sigh*..

My stomach been up with its gastric again.. that's explain why i took so long to update gerls.. and felt so down lately..

Met up with my sweet heart today after work.. felt like all my pain is gone.. like the moment after i saw his face.. hugged him tightly like no one's looking.. i miss him so much.. really dont know how it'll feel like living without him.. goodness.. im so dependent of him.. like he's my heart.. cant live a sec without him..*sigh*

everything went well.. but we fought just before he went home..i dont know.. sometimes.. *sigh*.....*sigh* watever la... just wish he knows that i misses him so much.. even though .... *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*..........

Man.. im feelin' so blue....:'(

~~Biar ku senyum dlm tangisan.. ~~

Mission Accomplised

Alrite.. after so long of not updating on myself.. here's something for all to see..

First thing first.. finally i've bought something for myself.. a RING!!! a nice one thatis.. a LEE HUA PURPLE GOLD ring.. nice nice.. and i've bought my baby his watch.. he loved it.. it kinda made me so happy and set us in a Bling Bling mood.. but not fer long.. here's why..:

i found out that my baby's been talking to his ex- crush again.. made that the one who had a crush on him. i dont know.. aiseh... how .. now what?? then *sigh* so sad.. cant tell him about the same thing again rite? MAN!! cant be trusted.. but i just hope that he knows his limit and not repeat his mistakes again.. if he really did it.. then we'll have to a serious talk. Once and for all.
What a day!!

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

heyyyyyyy... hurmm.. ok.. so today's werk is as usual.. of course there's a lot of issues to talk abt.. well.. im sooooo in no mood to talk abt it now. so next time la eh.. been rather busy with werk..and tuition..and.. blah blah.. and my boyfriend.. been so busy to share some moments with me.. all that he thinks of is himself.. call pun ckp pasal diri dia.. apa dia buat.. and all that shit.. dont even give me a chance to talk about my problems... i need him so much nowwww....

**Di saat matamu ingin ku tatap, Di mana dirimu dapat ku dakap??!!??

Good Gracious...life is so rushing for me.. ok.. first things first.. last weekend my family had camping at changi.. life couldnt be better then.. but oh goodness. life after that point onwards was hectic and mind boggling.. i couldnt breathe for a moment.. this week that is.. ~sigh~ so much things to do.. so much things still pending.. which things to do first.. which things need to settle first.. aduhhhhh.. poning banget gue.. dah la kerja tak abih2 lagi.. pastu problem ni.. problem tu.. tuition lagi.. mak hoiii.. kering darah aku pikirkan..

but then again.. cant wait for this weekend.. im gonna have a fun weekeend. on friday.. me and my dearest girlfriend are gonna go buy our groceries for her boyfriend's party.. uhhhh.. i couldnt wait.. so exciting... huheuheue..g but before that.. im gonna go out for a little while to shopp with ma momma.. we're gonna be tai-tais fer the day.. ahhh.. life sure couldnt be better.. but fer couse before that i'd have to suffer first.. all my work load is being pushed forward.. ahhhh.. pecah otak aku..

Nah.. take a look at my schedule for today only..: -

0600hrs - Rise and Shine ( not shining at all.. (arghhhh!!!)
0730 - gone for werk
0830 - Start werking
1700 - Reached home from werk
1800 - Gone for tuition
1930 - Going home from tuition.. ( rest fer 15 mins)
2000 - Gone fer another tuition
2200-Going home fr tuition
2230- Off to bed
0000 - Sayang will call ( like after im sleeping!! Sittooo@@#$@$@%^&**&^%)
0001 - off to bed ( like as if i can at that point in time##$$$%%)

you all see la!!
Haiyo.. Can pengsan ahhh~!!

**Would loved skinny dipping~~relax,relax~~muahahhaaa!!!!

Firewoman in the Making

Today was super boring day fer me!! Had to go to werk when ppl are still sleeping in bed.. *sigh* But it wasnt that bad coz i get to be a firewoman.. hueheuhue..

Now wat happened was that.. while i was on my way home..(my collegue's husband, Cik Amy, always fetch us to and from work in this huge lorry that collects water for construction usage).. we saw a big fire just outside my working place.... sortof like that of a forest fire.. dono how tt started out.. freaked the hell outta me man.. sheezz.. then out of a sudden.. Cik Amy suggested that we helped the firemen.. geee.. the firemen were HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! kena aku maintain muka skejap..wahahaha..

Now back to the story.. so then i panjat la blakang lorry and unleashed the water hose from the lorry while Cik Amy was beside me holding and directing the waterhose. Almost immediately, water gushed out.. exactly like that on a fire brigade.. except that our lorry is white in colour..huehuehue.. together with the mat2 hansem.. we battled against the outraging fire.. and of course.. after few minutes.. make that 1/2 hour.. the fire was put out.. sheezz.. berpeluh beb!!
Not from the fire of course... heuheuehue.. But of course ayu mesti kena maintain.. heuheue.. well.. after all tt hoo haa..the firemen say their many thanks.. and we exchange glances.. macam kena electrocuted gitu..heuheu... but that's that..(i masih ingat mata-air i u.. sian dia)..and we went straight back home..