I have been sucha bad bad gerl to my family and Sayang..

Havent been spending enough quality time with them even though its always been my priority at the start of everyday..

I am so sorry..

I hope to make things better..

To be a much much more self reliable and independent..

And most importantly.. To upgrade myself..

i know.. i know.. ckp jer tapi tak buat..

Heyyyy..im trying ok..

Not one person is perfect in this world kan.. Its not an excuse..

Im really trying..

Give me time k?

Well... Yeah.. and to make my sayang even closer to my heart..

And to trust him.. more..

Oh god.. Im sucha imperfect lady.

If nobody's perfect.. And im a nobody.. Am i perfect??

_____________________________________________________________

What a sad sad day it is today..

What a sad sad day..

Im sad it turned out this way..

But who am i to direct the course of life on this unpredictable Earth?


Dont tell me what to do..

Dont tell me what to say..

Dont tell me nothing..

For bearing all these has made me lethargic..

For tolerating all these has made me aged..


Dont tell me what to do..

Dont tell me what to say..

Dont tell me nothing..

For all these while, its the same things that is heard..

For all is nothing but lies and deceit..

For the only glimspe of hope is gone..

For all that is done is in vain..

For nothing is all that is left..


Dont tell me what to do..

Dont tell me what to say..

Dont tell me nothing..

For i myself..

Cannot hear nothing..

Everything is but a whisper to my ears..

Slowly fading and fading..

And then is heard no more..

___________________________________________________________________

Im so sick...

Felt so weak and my head's so heavy..

Felt like one big fat breeder rabbit's sitting on my head..

Oh god..

I ponteng work today..

But they've should have anticipate it lah..

I was like sneezing all the way..

Bleah...

_________________________________________________________

It has been a gruelling one week..

This week felt so long and draggy..

Im so tired.. and felt so lethargic for past few days..

I dont even have time for myself..

But thank goodness, this dreadful week is finally over..

*phewwwwwwwwwwwww*

I can finally rest my body, my mind and my soul..

Im gonna do some reparation to myself..

Havent quite been in touch with myself..

Time just pass by so fast..

Couldnt catch up..

Couldnt breathe..

Luckily its all over..

I think that's why they gave weekends for us to relax..

Sheeshz..

Let me take a moment *1 sec* *2 secs*

OKEY FIZAH!!

No more whining..

Right!!

Heuehuehue... Life's so funny at work today..

A new guy came to work at CARE..

He's malay..

Tall, got jambang, very the macho, not very tanned, staunch.. like very staunch..

Didnt like him at first... I was like.. "oh man, not a malay guyyyyyy." when i saw him yesterday in the lab..

This morning, while i was waiting for the bus to arrive.. he came towards me and said "hi, saudari nak ke CARE kan?"

I was like "HUHHhhh??!!" "errr.. yeah.."

Then he smiled and he sat beside me in the bus..

I was like "alahhhHHHH... leceh ah.. nak kena layan...arrghhh.. pepagi buta sebok jek!"

Then when we reached CARE, i was busy preparing paper for today's delivery and when i just wanna take my breakfast..

There he was.. seating at my place... My seat!!

I was like " HEYY!!! THAT'S MY SEATTTTTTTT!!!

Of course screamed at him in my heart la..

Then he like tak bersalah said.. " err bleh duduk mana mana kan?"

I was like. "err yah.. tapi i nyer barang sume ader kat situ.."

Then he said " so kerusi ni u nyer la eh?"

I said" yah.. i think so"

He said" oh sorry yer..i tak tahu"

I was like "apa apa ah.."

Then he sat beside me at the coffee table..

I was like "hey.. duduk la jauh jauh sikit.. " (again in my heart)

Before i could say it out loud..

He started introducing himself..

"hi nama saya adi.."

So of course i have to say.. "nama saya fizah"

(like so the kentalz)..

Niway, the way he said it was like "haiii, namaaa sayaaa adiiiiiii"

hmmphhH...

i thought he would finish talking but then he continued..

"You yg buat cucuk2 rats kat dlm lab semlm tu eh?"

( i was separating the pregnant females and checking on the lactating females using forceps.)

Duhh..

i said " uhH yah"

he said " hehe"

I said "heh heh"

When i thought everything was ending and im going inside lab to start work..

Aisah came over and intro us both formally and said..

"Adi, you'll be taking orders and instructions directly from me and fizah.."

So there he is... following everywhere i go...

luckily there's so much of work that ive prepared for him to do..

He've got not much time to talk to me.. SHesshz..

But the after lunch.. afetr he came back from solat..

When all the things are more or less done..

We talked.. and i find him quite an interesting fella..

Funny and we do share some common stuffs...

Like staying at Marsiling..

So that means we went back home together just now..

It was raining... i didnt bring an umbrella... he didnt too..

SO UNLUCKY.. walked with him all the way till Fuchun CC..

oh yah and he shared his epok epok with me just now for tea break..

So sweet right.. he bought it while on his way back from solat..

oh well, maybe he wanted to make friends with me since im his superior..

Psst.. he doesnt look too happy to hear that he'll be taking orders from me.. heuheu..

Broke his man ego i guess... huehuehuHUEHUEHUE..

hmmphh..

Hhey!! oh god.. its almost 7.30pm.. i need to go for tuition..

Yesterday's tuition was fabulous..

Time passed very fast..

Im kinda enjoying tuitions now..

Sunday going over to syafiq's.

Yeah Yeah!!

Till then thank you for reading this long crappy entry from ME..

HUEHUEhuehue..

Asta la vista..

____________________________________________________

My tuition's starting this week..

Thank god.. im kinda super duper broke la..

Needed money so badly..

*looking forward to seeing sayang this coming weekend.*

We're going to the beach.. yay!!

I hope it wouldnt rain.. *prays*

Was freaking tired today at work..

Can barely open my eyes.. So sleepy seh..

I wonder why.. i slept so early yesterday..

The workload today was extremely abundant..

I really squeezed out all energy to just end the day..

*sigh* tomorrow's yet another day.. and another day.. and another day..

Then it's my much awaited date..

I am so excited..

Really want to spend some quality time with him..

My resolutions for this year are:

• To spend more time with fam and sayang..
• To move on with my career.. to upgrade myself..
• To be more organised..
• To lose weight.. Arrghhh...
• To save money..
• To plan on my future..
• To be less dependent on ppl..
• To be stable, confident, and more cheerful person..

________________________________________________________

Hope i can see sayang today..

Miss him to bits already..

Had a good talk with him before i left for the weekend..

Really relieved me of the many stresses that i have..

Am now more composed and ready to take on the challenges of 2006..

Bring it on guys..

Thanks sayang for listening to me..

Though i know it has been hard for you as much as it had been hard for me too..

But we've emerged stronger and more understanding to each others needs and emotions.

Thanks dear once again.. for i wouldnt be as calm and relaxed if there wasnt you around..

Let's us pray that the bond we've created will last till eternity..

Happy New Year!!!

Woah..

Im so extremely exhausted..

Just ended my OT for today..

Yeah have to come to work on New Year Hols..

Back from Pahat Stone at 2.30am

Wake up to go to work todady at 7.00am

So tired..

But it was all worth it..

Well at least part of it..

Now where do i start??

Hmmm..

Ok! The wedding was so so only la..

Well... actually it was damn boring la..

So boring until my dad said "alamak.. mendak dokkk"

He was so bored to tears and almost "hentak kaki" wanting to go back..

So much so.. that when the MC cracked a joke..

He said out loud.." buat kelakar ke pe?"

Waaa... i was shocked..

Horrified actually..

My dad saying those things..

So the "Hanyut"..

My dad dah upgrade!!

ceh~! bangga dok!!

hueheuheuheue...

Then after everything ended...

We went all the way to abang nuar's home..

We stopped by to eat mee bandung at the warung something something la..

Forget ah...

Well you cant blame me..

I was that damn tired.. i didnt notice anything..

And that handshake really took alot of my energy just to interpret what he's trying to say..

Well.. Its kinda scary..

And to make matter worse..

The song by iklim.. "Bukan ku tak sudi" just sums it all up..

Only me and mom knows..

Mommy, *Secret* ok??

Oh well, When we reached the home..

It was the same old dilapidated kampung home..

But it was cosy.. much cosier than those rich brick house...

They really lived up to the saying "A House is not a Home."

Before we even get out of the car, they already know that we're coming..

I guess it must have been the crackling of the red pebbles that gave us up..

heuheuhue..

Oh anyway.. we talked through the night.. well... not really..

Coz we're so so tired... esp dad.. he was shagged.. *pun not intended*..

hueheue.. but tired as we all are...

All the cousins and wan of course, watched LOTR I..

Yeah yeah... I know.. Its so basi..

But its so good to talk about it.. you know..

The "amalan" that you can learnt from it..

The friendship, trust, sacrifice, Good vs Evil and stuffs like that..

Its so nice to teach my younger cousins all that coz they aint know much english..

So teacher fizah have to enlighten them..

Hhuehuehue.. *puke*puke*..

Anyways, the next morning we had breakfast..

And wanna make a guess what did we have for breakfast??

You wont ever guess it right..

huehueue... we had:

• fried chicken backside *yummy*yummy*
• Kueh Koci ( Its very the delicious sayang)..
• Ubi Rebus cicah sambal tumis ( It even more delicious dear.. You're missing on so much)

Then for lunch we had:

• Nasi plus so many dishes..
• Jantung pisang fresly picked from behind the house..
• Ikan bakar.. freshly taken from the nearby jetty..
• Asam pedas ikan..

They're all so the sedap.. you really should come along honey.. huehue..

Ok.. Then of course.. when all the families unite..

It wouldnt be complete if we dont "nyalor" and watch hindustan..

Oh yeah we did.. *so fun*so fun*..

We went back home that evening and singgah at singgah selalu.

Wan belanja us coz he just got his so called first pay from his new job.. *thanks wan*

The food were so delicious.. Oh yeah.. Wan's sister joined us as well..

So its kinda like a small family reunion.. Well at least.. future-family-to-be reunion..

huehuehue...

We were all so full afters...

Sent wan's sista home.. (i still cant catch her name.. was it liza or fiza?) hmmm..

And as usual we're caught in the jam..

For 2 whole hours.. stucked in JB..

Luckily there wasnt any jam at Spore,

Or i would really wouldnt be sitting here in office typing this.. huehue..

Niways, while we were driving slowly..

There's this malaysian bus.. some sorta bus persiaran..

It hempit so close to us.. that it langgar Grandis's left side mirror..

Poor Grandis... luckily there's not any major sratches on it..

Grandis always get bullied by people.. Poor Grandis..

Im off to Batu Stone for my cousin's wedding this weekend..

Im not looking forward to it..

I wanna usher in the new year in my own country..

With my own group of friends..

But i guess it'll never come true..

It always happens..

I usually never get what i want..

Im kinda used to it..

Bye 2005..

It has been a tough trying year..

Im so not looking forward to go through another year like 2005..

Oh god..

Please let 2006 be a wonderful life experience for me..

With less trying moments for me..

Please..

I badly need some rest..

i feel so worthless.

How i wish i can turn things back..

But how can i do that?

Im having so much regrets in my life..

Im in such poor state..

Im so sad.. helpless..remorseful..

Nobody's with me..

Im all alone..

Deserted.. Alienated..

I feel like a pig..

Looks like a pig..

Behaving like a pig..

What a piggy life im leading..

Why cant i be happy with myself..

Oh god..

Please help ME!!

Its downpouring again...

So cold.. windy..

I can see the heavy drops of water gushing down..

I like.. i like..

Perfect for dreaming session..

Oh boy..

Im still so thinking of this morning..

How i wish the bell didnt wake me up..

I wanna know how it finishes..

Its been so long since i felt that way..

Im in such a dreamy mood..

And the weather's been so kind on me..

What a moment..

Ahhhhwwww.....

**bubble make** **bubble burst**

He is gone for another camp..

Im so missing him..

Is he the prince who gave me 4 rings to choose from??

Ahhhhhhwwwww....

Why oh Why??

It was so so abrupt..

They proposed to me..

In somewhat looked like a hospital/laboratory place..

I was so puzzled..

There were two of them..

Waiting for my reply..

But i didnt say "I Do"..

The alarm clock woke me up..

Hmm.. is that a sign??

Yesterday...means a lot to me..

Today...Will be history for tomorrow..

Tomorrow.. will be today im going through..

And im going through it with you,

Sayang,

Thank you for being my pillar of support..

Sayang,

Thank you for being in my life and going through it with me..

Through thick and thin..

Through difficult years and more demanding years to come..

For i know one thing..

You will never be my History..

I love you..

And loving you means Forever..

I will be there for you..

As you will always be there for me..

Muaccks..

A family's Gathering... How nice.. only nana is not inside the pic.. she's the camera woman.. she always has to be one.. poor nana.

Mommy's chocolate cake from my fav bakery.. Mommy knows me best!!

We're saggitarius!! Only difference is the number of candles!! Im on the right most.. the rest is Daddy's!! hueheuhue..

Sayang's mango cake for me.. I lurve yellow and i lorve fruit cake.. Sayang understands me most..

Im on 16th and Daddy's on 19th..

Thanks sayang for suprising me with your presence... and the roses too.. Ehh??

Now we've got the right person... Its my sista!! She suprised me with the bouquet of roses... I'm lovin it.. :)

ike

Yezza!!!

I've finally changed my blog...

Kinda like the sun rays..

But the screen is not full..

But at least i wouldnt have to tolerate with small wordings nimore..

Will search for a nicer one..

Till then..

Soak up in the sunset..

The warmth of the evening sun..

The serenity of the music..

And enjoy reading and looking through my photos..

Tata..