round of applause to my dearest sista for dolling up a kiddy + girly blogskin for me and putting up the template for me... and i dont only like me k.. there's so many things i like.. aiyoo... and wassup with the fuckers and bitches and bastards huh??? anyway... schedule's gonna be tight starting next week so yah... hoping to spend more time with my beloved though it seems so impossible... but we're gonna try our best ya baby? i miss you so much dear..

aku akan terus memperjuangkan hidup seharianku yg penuh dgn pancaroba dunia...

hey dudettes!!!!

yo gerls.. so how's life.. ive been not blogging for so long.. hoping to make it a point to blog everyday though it'll be hard.. but i'll try.. life so far have been pleasant for me.. though i find it hard to wake up everyday to work.. and my tuitions... i shall not even talk abt it no more...

days are pretty bearable now.. basically that's because my tuitions have stopped for the sch hols.. but im starting soon... im very hard up for money.. like veryyyyyyyyyyy hard up for money..

soon its gonna be my 5yrs anniv with my bf.. not sure what to get for him.. someone help me in this.. so low in money wise... so low in ideas... gosh.. wat im suppose to do..

been calling up and sms-ing my frens lately... so happy to know that my frens are doing well.. really hope to catch up with them soon...

ok la.. not really in a mood to talk rite now.. till next time k?

** akan ku tatap wajahmu kerna rinduku semakin membarak..

now where do i start? i really cant imagine the things that are happening to me right now.. its so heart breaking.. i just cant explain in words what im feelin right now.. its .. just not.. i just feel like i shouldnt .. i mean.. it shouldnt be happening to me.. but life is unexpected and sometimes things just happen.. though things usually happen for a reason. im not sure if the incidents occuring to me now signalling me to look at my life and analyse if i still should be living this sorta life.. im really at a juncture.. should i or should i not.. i dont wanna experience these stuffs again.. ever again.. but i cant just dismiss it like that.. i know that i have to make a decision and decision comes with consequences.. and i will have to decide it sooner or later.. its just.. please... why do i have to decide.. its so unfair.. what you did to me.. i have to bear.. what you do.. i have to live with it..

- so where do i go from here??

jadi.. my life's update so far... been so frustrated in my work.. so many irritants ( I dont mean the chemicals here.. go figure!!) so many decisions to make.. so many things to do... my schedule is so uptight i dont even have any time to myself.. the only time i had is tonight that also.. i only managed to squeeze enough time to watch the OC.. i love the show.. just loved it.. the only stress reliever i can rely on right now.....

(( I miss my darl'!!))

hueheuhue.. dah berulat da blog ni ker???? huehue.. well.. alot of things have happened this week.. or should i say the last week? unexpected things happened.. hueheu.. but i still know my limits.. i still know my status.. i still know my stand.. and im proud to say that i pass the test with flying colours.. not everyone can be as faithful as trustworthy as me.. im proud that i did not go against my principles.. im happy with my life although not all smooth sailing.. i've learnt to take things into my stride.. to not expect too much from ppl/situation.. i've learnt to not trust ppl too easily..i've accomplised certain things on myself and im pretty satisfied really.. step by step.. i'll change my life for the better of myself.. and the ppl ard me.. pray for me gerls!!

!! Im the naiive gerl no more!!

right people.. how has your life been?? hope everything is going on fine.. mine have ermm.. should i say never been better or should i say never been worse.. i shall let you decide..

this week and the previous week basically i did my routine work.. but the secretary.. that freaking damnn bitch.. depan org bukan main lembut lagi mulut.. blakang org.. back stab.. complain sana complain sini.. poke her nose into almost every single work i did in the office.. lain kali kalau tak percaya buat sendiri arrr... tgk tgk!!! benciiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!! ehhh podahhh ah..my bosses tak apa2, dia plak nyebok.. stakat secretary tu buat2 arr mcm secretary.. prasan besar.. besar kepala ader arr.. keling!! luckily my everyday work doesnt require me to stay in the office for e whole day.. so now most of my time.. would be in the lab.. lagi tenteram jaga tikus.. kadang2.. haiwan lagi mulia dari manusia.. RENUNGKANLAH!!

ok.. my boss took half day today.. so now i've got the pc again.. yeah.. yah.. i havent finish what im about to say just now.. ok.. ahhhhhh... today kena do at wash area.. wash all the cages... erwwwww... so much shittttt... but still i endured.. but i smell nice though.. wahahha.. watever... can bathe wat rite? ok.. then yeah... i supplied one less Sprague Dawley Rat to SGH.. goodness... luckily they never complain.. aduh... penat ahhh oiii... penat tau.. anyway.. got to compensate those.. have to send them again on friday.. watever la..

hmmm... wat else to say eh... wermm.. wat else eh.. i thought of dating my mom and siter go to bugis on saturday.. just to chill around.. sigh... i miss my darling so much.. but i know i cant see him.. i mean.. i shouldnt broad over it but.. i really miss him.. how hah?? i think the one way that could distraught my attention is to go shopping... so guys.. . i mean.. gerls.. who want to go shopping with me??

!! Letting Nature takes its course..

yokke yokke... upon urgent demand that i have to update my blog.. so here's another entry.

recently ive been on a shopping spree with my newly found babe fren.. syikin.. we went out to bugis.. got my damn.. as in DAMNNN handphone back.. (hopefully it doest crank again) and then we went to orchard to meet up with Renee.. renee... hmmm.. a very bubbly gerl... nice to be with..

we ate at cahaya.. it sucks... imagine chicken rice without chilli and the most important one.. the soup??? annnywayyy... we thought that we din have enough so i suggested manja-ing ourselves with icecreams... well.. we worked hard during the week.. so we deserved it ok? then after that we went shopping again.. and damn.. renee always talking about how she got nice buttt.. watever.. i know mine's flat.. yeah eyah... hueheuehue... and the most i tak puas hati is that.. syikin got a nice top.. that aritis or whatever the shop name is.. the shirt is so beautifully done up for her... i want one too... not fair... im sure im gonna get one soon... i'll make sure they got one in my size... so tak fair..

niway... that's about it i guess.. and of course im so looking forward to the weekend again.. hahaha.. not sure wat i wanna do though.. its been like officially 2 weeks since i last seen my bf.. watever.. not going to be sad about it nimore... got lotsa other things to be happy about.. wahhahaa... so thats all fer ya all now... got to go back to work.. my boss is looking... byeeeeeee..

sorry boss..!! hueheue.. (mischevious grin~!!)

just as i have expected... things went bad again yesterday.. why do we always freaking have to fight?? im so exhausted already.. and it always seems like its my fault.. !! feels like giving up already..

work?? still the same old thing again.,. not that stress really.. its been bearable.. i kinda like the job though the pay is just a pittance.. but the most that i freakingly hate is my tuitions.. why do i have to do these tuitions... MONEY!!!!! oh man!! why do i have to subdue myself to this shit just for money sake? what the fcuk have gone into me...?? i want my life back...

~~nobody wants to share.. nobody's seems to care.. about ME!!~~

hey people... ok here's a new entry after so long.. been so busy catching up with my life let alone people's life..

as you all know from my previous entries..( sorry to those who cant read malay, i'll explain to you when we meet up yah?? ).. i've been at my best medicating my relationship that had turn sour.. thanks to myself and him.. it seems that people just dont treasure and tend to take things for granted if we're constantly by their side.. i've made my stand though.. to him.. and i'm so glad that things turned out fine.. i am happy now with the state of our relationship going on well. i hope it'll last till a long long time.. its so tiring to just keep on mending a broken heart.

This week.. is gonna be the last week that im able to see my love. Soon after.. he's gonna study for his gruelling exams.. and i'm left all alone again.. but its ok though.. i can hold on.. i can bear all hardships.. he's studying for the better of our life.. and may i repeat its OUR life.. just hope that he understands that.. that he sees that im doing all these for us.. i really praye that our relationship can stand the test of time.. for i cant bear falling apart with you dear...

``It's not just ((ME)) anymore, it's ((US))``

Kenapa diri ini selalu disisirkan? kenapa aku yang asyik perlu bertimbang rasa? Sampai bilakah aku akan dpt rasa diri ini dihormati..diperlukan..disayangi oleh seseorg.. kenapa hidup aku slalu ditimpa bencana dan malapetaka dunia? Apakah tuhan saja mahu menduga? kenapa harus aku harungi liku2 hidup yg slalu membuatkan aku rasa tersisir? kepada siapakah yg dpt aku leraikan rahsiahati yg telah lama terbuku dikalbu? apakah aku tidak diperlukan lagi! apakah aku ini insan yg hanya mampu menagih kasih sayang seseorg insan! apakah aku ini mualaf yg byk menyusahkan! maafkan aku jikalau aku duduk menumpang kasih sayang kau.. tidak sama skali aku berhasrat utk menyesakkan kehidupan kau sehingga terlintas difikiran kau yg aku ini terlalu insecure.

Apakah aku tidak layak bertahta dihati kau? adakah aku ini begitu membosankan. apakah aku ini tidak sesuai utk memiliki kebahagiaan duniawi!! kenapa harus AKU?? AKU yang harus menanggung derita? Aku sayu melihat teman2ku yg mempunyai semuanya.. kebahagiaan hidup dgn famili yg sepadu, karier yg mantap, teman hidup yg setia - sempurna seadanya. tapi mengapa tidak dgn aku? apakah sudah suratan azali yg aku mempunyai kehidupan seperti ini.. hina sgtkah aku ini?


~~Aku PASRAH!!!

Hurm.. just got back from werk.. one more day to the weekends..!! yaHOOOO!! i cant wait for the weekends.. me and my baby's gonna have some private time to our own to just chill out and be in each others embrace.. its been time since we last did tt.. i'm literally counting the minutes.. heuheu.. hopefully watever we've planned will turn out smoothly..and no more cancellation of dates.. arghhhhh!!! i need my lovey dosages.... :0

--Akan ku simpan sisip kenangan pahit kita jauh dilubuk hati..--

Middle of the night..

*sigh*sigh*

Right!! wat now.. *sigh* i cant get to sleep and so here i am.. in front of my pc..*sigh*..

My stomach been up with its gastric again.. that's explain why i took so long to update gerls.. and felt so down lately..

Met up with my sweet heart today after work.. felt like all my pain is gone.. like the moment after i saw his face.. hugged him tightly like no one's looking.. i miss him so much.. really dont know how it'll feel like living without him.. goodness.. im so dependent of him.. like he's my heart.. cant live a sec without him..*sigh*

everything went well.. but we fought just before he went home..i dont know.. sometimes.. *sigh*.....*sigh* watever la... just wish he knows that i misses him so much.. even though .... *sigh* *sigh* *sigh*..........

Man.. im feelin' so blue....:'(

~~Biar ku senyum dlm tangisan.. ~~

Mission Accomplised

Alrite.. after so long of not updating on myself.. here's something for all to see..

First thing first.. finally i've bought something for myself.. a RING!!! a nice one thatis.. a LEE HUA PURPLE GOLD ring.. nice nice.. and i've bought my baby his watch.. he loved it.. it kinda made me so happy and set us in a Bling Bling mood.. but not fer long.. here's why..:

i found out that my baby's been talking to his ex- crush again.. made that the one who had a crush on him. i dont know.. aiseh... how .. now what?? then *sigh* so sad.. cant tell him about the same thing again rite? MAN!! cant be trusted.. but i just hope that he knows his limit and not repeat his mistakes again.. if he really did it.. then we'll have to a serious talk. Once and for all.
What a day!!

-Perfect- You're the perfect girlfriend. Which
means you're rare or that you cheated :P You're
the kind of chick that can hang out with your
boyfriend's friends and be silly. You don't
care about presents or about going to fancy
placed. Hell, just hang out. You're just happy
being around your boyfriend.

heyyyyyyy... hurmm.. ok.. so today's werk is as usual.. of course there's a lot of issues to talk abt.. well.. im sooooo in no mood to talk abt it now. so next time la eh.. been rather busy with werk..and tuition..and.. blah blah.. and my boyfriend.. been so busy to share some moments with me.. all that he thinks of is himself.. call pun ckp pasal diri dia.. apa dia buat.. and all that shit.. dont even give me a chance to talk about my problems... i need him so much nowwww....

**Di saat matamu ingin ku tatap, Di mana dirimu dapat ku dakap??!!??

Good Gracious...life is so rushing for me.. ok.. first things first.. last weekend my family had camping at changi.. life couldnt be better then.. but oh goodness. life after that point onwards was hectic and mind boggling.. i couldnt breathe for a moment.. this week that is.. ~sigh~ so much things to do.. so much things still pending.. which things to do first.. which things need to settle first.. aduhhhhh.. poning banget gue.. dah la kerja tak abih2 lagi.. pastu problem ni.. problem tu.. tuition lagi.. mak hoiii.. kering darah aku pikirkan..

but then again.. cant wait for this weekend.. im gonna have a fun weekeend. on friday.. me and my dearest girlfriend are gonna go buy our groceries for her boyfriend's party.. uhhhh.. i couldnt wait.. so exciting... huheuheue..g but before that.. im gonna go out for a little while to shopp with ma momma.. we're gonna be tai-tais fer the day.. ahhh.. life sure couldnt be better.. but fer couse before that i'd have to suffer first.. all my work load is being pushed forward.. ahhhh.. pecah otak aku..

Nah.. take a look at my schedule for today only..: -

0600hrs - Rise and Shine ( not shining at all.. (arghhhh!!!)
0730 - gone for werk
0830 - Start werking
1700 - Reached home from werk
1800 - Gone for tuition
1930 - Going home from tuition.. ( rest fer 15 mins)
2000 - Gone fer another tuition
2200-Going home fr tuition
2230- Off to bed
0000 - Sayang will call ( like after im sleeping!! Sittooo@@#$@$@%^&**&^%)
0001 - off to bed ( like as if i can at that point in time##$$$%%)

you all see la!!
Haiyo.. Can pengsan ahhh~!!

**Would loved skinny dipping~~relax,relax~~muahahhaaa!!!!

Firewoman in the Making

Today was super boring day fer me!! Had to go to werk when ppl are still sleeping in bed.. *sigh* But it wasnt that bad coz i get to be a firewoman.. hueheuhue..

Now wat happened was that.. while i was on my way home..(my collegue's husband, Cik Amy, always fetch us to and from work in this huge lorry that collects water for construction usage).. we saw a big fire just outside my working place.... sortof like that of a forest fire.. dono how tt started out.. freaked the hell outta me man.. sheezz.. then out of a sudden.. Cik Amy suggested that we helped the firemen.. geee.. the firemen were HOTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!! kena aku maintain muka skejap..wahahaha..

Now back to the story.. so then i panjat la blakang lorry and unleashed the water hose from the lorry while Cik Amy was beside me holding and directing the waterhose. Almost immediately, water gushed out.. exactly like that on a fire brigade.. except that our lorry is white in colour..huehuehue.. together with the mat2 hansem.. we battled against the outraging fire.. and of course.. after few minutes.. make that 1/2 hour.. the fire was put out.. sheezz.. berpeluh beb!!
Not from the fire of course... heuheuehue.. But of course ayu mesti kena maintain.. heuheue.. well.. after all tt hoo haa..the firemen say their many thanks.. and we exchange glances.. macam kena electrocuted gitu..heuheu... but that's that..(i masih ingat mata-air i u.. sian dia)..and we went straight back home..